Tendencies

Swinging, BDSM, or Shibari: “With sex, people want to explore.”

Sexual experimentation proposals such as swinger clubs, pro-sex parties and BDSM workshops are gaining momentum.

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Tendencies
4 min

BarcelonaClubs swinger, parties sex positive, shibari, introduction to BDSM, tantric experiences... The leisure offer focused on sexual experimentation is gaining visibility in different spaces in Catalan cities. "First, we talked about liberal sex, and now we talk about sex positive [or prosex], which refers to openness to experimenting with sexuality and is more open in terms of sexual orientation and the diversity of practices," explains Marina Vivó, psychologist and sexologist. "Openness does not mean the obligation to have sex," she clarifies. In fact, consent and respect are. This is where discretion and confidentiality predominate, which at the same time makes them quite hermetic - also because social media policies censor their promotion.

open beyond exchange clubs or swinger, where mostly heterosexual couples go, and saunas specifically for gay men. "People are eager to explore," says the sexologist, who believes there are two trends: "There's an openness to experimentation, but also still many taboos and bad experiences surrounding sexuality." According to Vivó's experience as a couples therapist, more and more people are entering these environments at a younger age or who, in their relationships, are more open to other forms of relationship, and she emphasizes the good communication necessary to enter these environments. One of the main indisputable changes of this sexual revolution is that "women are increasingly positioning themselves as desiring subjects."

"For many years, I experienced sexuality from the need to please the other, until I dared to be honest with myself. I suppose these spaces are ways to explore this aspect, going beyond what we find in normal circuits," says Silvia, 40. She has gone to clubs swinger, first with her partner and, after the divorce, with a lover. The first time she was initially surprised: "Being able to put my hand down someone's pants and for it to be accepted." While she found it very respectful and felt safe, she found it very rigid regarding couples and heterosexuality: "I didn't see any boys together, and although you could see girls, there was always the male gaze."

Beyond "making a nail"

Berlin-based dancer and choreographer Felix Ruckert, director of the international festival Xplore, which combines lust and art, believes that a space sex positive It is defined by three characteristics: the permission "to have sex, ask for sex, talk about sex and also not have it"; the relaxation that comes with this permission, which "takes the pressure off human relationships", and, finally, the acceptance and tolerance of any fetish, fantasy and strange desire". It refers to the kinks, intimate desires and tastes that are considered unconventional such as BDSM or role-playing games.

"Maybe your whole life has been penetrative because it's what you've known, but you go to a workshop or meet someone and a whole world opens up to you. It's a question of expanding possibilities," explains Nico Castellanos, sexologist and creator of spaces at Sala de Luz, where different activities are organized, as opposed to hiding in the dark." When Castellanos started, he wanted to generate spaces that didn't exist and that are still a minority, and one of his proposals was the play parties, parties where tension and seduction, submission and domination are played with, slowly and consciously, a different proposal open to diverse bodies and orientations and beyond defined roles and prejudices - he explains - "There may be genitality, excitement, fucking, but the focus is on the game beyond the penetrative and what you would find in a club." swinger. To fuck a nail you don't need to go to Sala de Luz," he says, aware that leisure based on sexual experimentation has become "a kind of fashion": "The shibari It's aesthetically pleasing and everyone wants their picture taken while they're being tied up." At the parties he organizes, he aims to explore beyond the couple to have different visions, although couples who don't relate to other people also go. After all, "it's sex education" and "curious people or people who want to expand their sexuality" go. "Do I like being dominated?" These are some of the doubts that Adrià, 39, wants to resolve when he goes to workshops and spaces sex positive for "enriching a sexuality that I had felt repetitive and insufficient." With what I've experienced, it has improved my self-esteem and pleasure, building deeper and more meaningful relationships. "I think there's a growing trend to progressively replace the traditional way of exploring sexual and affectivity, usually in the form of infidelity, to do so from ethical spaces," he opines. Within his circle of friends, sex has never been spoken about freely except to make jokes, and, as a man, he's heard that there were things he couldn't share due to sexist and homophobic prejudices that, without realizing it, he had ended up internalizing—he admits—and that he has, little by little.

Rural Tantra

Sandra Cloostermans and Toni Trullàs have decided to found their project in Pradell de la Teixeta, a small village of 178 inhabitants located in Priorat. It's called Esencia de Cal Cabré, a retreat house that offers personal growth workshops and tantric therapies and massages. "Touching the genitals is like touching an ear," says Cloostermans, who explains that tantra doesn't focus on sexuality, but rather doesn't dismiss it, and "that's why it has such a reputation for being so closely linked to sex." Regarding tantric sexuality, she emphasizes the idea of being able to orgasm calmly: "We strongly associate tension with sexuality. When you're reaching orgasm, you tense your entire body. The idea is to become aroused in a relaxed way." The result, says Cloostermans, is "an expansion of pleasure" so that "you sharpen sensitivity in every part of the body." While the construction work is being completed and the first encounters are taking place, the town is packed. What are they doing at Cal Cabré? Some people think it's a brothel and others say they have orgies. "At Cal Cabré, they touch genitals!" people say at the town pool. And there are still many prejudices surrounding sexuality. In these spaces, "we think there will be people who won't be respectful, that it will be a dirty and dark place, that I might get hurt, and it's just the opposite. We worry about how I'll feel and what kind of people I might meet. Or maybe you think you don't need it or that you don't want it, which is also okay," says the intrepid psychologist: "Let having desire not become an obligation. Let's not go to the other side. There are as many ways of experiencing sexuality as there are people."

Prosex Glossary

'Sexpositivity': also known as sexual positivism or prosex, has been defined as a movement or way of thinking that considers and promotes sex as a natural and healthy part of the human experience.

Fetishism: sexual manifestation or behavior resulting from a fixation that consists of contemplating or manipulating a specific object or part of the body to awaken sexual appetite.

'Kinks': unconventional sexual practices or fantasies.

BDSM: stands for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism, and masochism. It refers to a broad range of consensual erotic practices that involve control, domination, and pain.

Shibari: This is an erotic and aesthetic practice that involves tying another person up, usually with rope. It's a Japanese style of bondage, but while shibari focuses on the pre-consensual immobilization of the person being tied, shibari focuses more on the aesthetics of both the person being tied and the person being tied.

What is your sexual profile?

This classification of sexual profiles created by American somatic sexologist Miss Jaiya is used as a tool for self-knowledge and to work on compatibility with partners.

Sexual: You get aroused quickly and know what you like. It's anything society accepts as erotic content, such as nudity, penetration, and explicit images. This may limit you if you need or want to expand your practices.

Sensual: You're aroused by all your senses, not forgetting taste and touch. The atmosphere is very important to you during an erotic encounter. Because of this, you can tend to get distracted easily.

Kinky: You're interested in role-playing games involving submission and dominance, and BDSM practices, or you have other desires that are considered socially awkward, which you might feel too embarrassed to share with your partner.

Energetic: You get excited by flirting, are very sensitive, and experience sensations before contact. On the other hand, you may feel overwhelmed by emotion.

Chameleon: You can get aroused in many ways and in many situations. You adapt to your lovers and enjoy sexuality. On the other hand, this could make you forget your desires.

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