Swinging, BDSM, or Shibari: “With sex, people want to explore.”

BarcelonaClubs swinger, parties sex positive, shibari, introduction to BDSM, tantric experiences... The leisure offer focused on sexual experimentation is gaining visibility in different spaces in Catalan cities. "First, we talked about liberal sex, and now we talk about sex positive [or pro-sex], which refers to openness to experimenting with sexuality and is more open in terms of sexual orientation and the diversity of practices," explains Marina Vivó, psychologist and sexologist. "Openness does not mean the obligation to have sex," she clarifies. In fact, consent and respect are. This is where discretion and confidentiality predominate, which at the same time makes them quite hermetic - also because social media policies censor their promotion.

open beyond exchange clubs or swinger, where mostly heterosexual couples go, and saunas specifically for gay men. "People are eager to explore," says the sexologist, who believes there are two trends: "There's an openness to experimentation, but also still many taboos and bad experiences surrounding sexuality." According to Vivó's experience as a couples therapist, more and more people are entering these environments at a younger age or who, in their relationships, are more open to other forms of relationship, and she emphasizes the good communication necessary to enter these environments. One of the main indisputable changes of this sexual revolution is that "women are increasingly positioning themselves as desiring subjects."

"For many years, I experienced sexuality from the need to please the other, until I dared to be honest with myself. I suppose these spaces are ways to explore this aspect, going beyond what we find in normal circuits," says Silvia, 40. She has gone to clubs swinger, first with her partner and, after the divorce, with a lover. The first time was a bit of an initial surprise: "Being able to put my hand down someone's pants and for it to be accepted." The second time ended with group sex with several people: "I managed to let loose. Everyone was doing things. I liked it." However, Silvia is eager to explore different places. Although she found it very respectful and felt safe, she found it very rigid in terms of couples and heterosexuality: "I didn't see any guys together, and although you could see girls, there was always the male gaze."

Beyond "making a nail"

Berlin-based dancer and choreographer Felix Ruckert, director of the international festival Xplore, which combines lust and art, believes that a space sex positive It is defined by three characteristics: the permission "to have sex, ask for sex, talk about sex and also not have it"; the relaxation that comes with this permission, which "takes the pressure off human relationships", and, finally, the acceptance and tolerance of any fetish, fantasy and strange desire". It refers to the kinks, intimate desires and tastes that are considered unconventional such as BDSM or role-playing games.

"Maybe your whole life has been penetrative because it's what you've known, but you go to a workshop or meet someone and a whole world opens up to you. It's a question of expanding possibilities," explains Nico Castellanos, sexologist and creator of spaces at Sala de Luz, where different activities are organized, as opposed to hiding in the dark." When Castellanos started, he wanted to generate spaces that didn't exist and that are still a minority, and one of his proposals was the play parties, parties where tension and seduction are played with, and with submission and domination, from slowness and awareness, a different proposal open to diverse bodies and orientations and beyond the marked roles and prejudices - he explains - "There may be genitality, excitement, fucking, but attention is paid to the game beyond what is most swinger. To fuck a nail you don't need to go to Sala de Luz," he says, aware that leisure based on sexual experimentation has become "a kind of fashion": "The shibari It's aesthetically pleasing and everyone wants their picture taken while they're being tied up." At the parties he organizes, he aims to explore beyond the couple to have different visions, although couples who don't relate to other people also go. After all, "it's sex education" and "curious people or people who want to expand their sexuality" go. "Do I like being dominated?" These are some of the doubts that Adrià, 39, wants to resolve when he goes to workshops and spaces sex positive for "enriching a sexuality that I had felt repetitive and insufficient." With what I've experienced, it has improved my self-esteem and pleasure, building deeper and more meaningful relationships. "I think there's a growing trend to progressively replace the traditional way of exploring sexual and affectivity, usually in the form of infidelity, to do so from ethical spaces," he opines. Within his circle of friends, sex has never been spoken about freely except to make jokes, and, as a man, he's heard that there were things he couldn't share due to sexist and homophobic prejudices that, without realizing it, he had ended up internalizing—he admits—and that he has, little by little.

Rural Tantra

Sandra Cloostermans and Toni Trullàs have decided to found their project in Pradell de la Teixeta, a small village of 178 inhabitants located in Priorat. It's called Esencia de Cal Cabré, a retreat house that offers personal growth workshops and tantric therapies and massages. "Touching the genitals is like touching an ear," says Cloostermans, who explains that tantra doesn't focus on sexuality, but rather doesn't dismiss it, and "that's why it has such a reputation for being so closely linked to sex." Regarding tantric sexuality, she emphasizes the idea of being able to orgasm calmly: "We strongly associate tension with sexuality. When you're reaching orgasm, you tense your entire body. The idea is to become aroused in a relaxed way." The result, says Cloostermans, is "an expansion of pleasure" so that "you sharpen sensitivity in every part of the body." When they started the project, there was no shortage of speculation and jokes in the town, although as they've become more established, the rumors have dissipated. And there are still many prejudices surrounding sexuality. In these spaces, "we think there will be people who won't be respectful, that it will be a dirty and dark place, that I might get hurt, and it's quite the opposite. We worry about how I'll feel and what kind of people I might encounter. Or maybe you feel you don't need it or that you don't want it, which is also okay," says the intrepid psychologist: "Let having desire not become an obligation. Let's not go to the other side. There are as many ways to experience sexuality as there are people."