There is a phrase I would like us to stop repeating once and for all: "It's normal for sex to hurt". They have sold it to us in many ways: that the first time is like that, that if you haven't had sex in a while it's normal for it to hurt, that it will pass, that you just need to relax... And, without realizing it, we have ended up assuming that pain is part of sex.
But it isn't. Being common doesn't mean it's normal.
As a psychologist and sexologist, one of the things that worries me most is seeing how many people endure this pain for years without telling anyone. Some because they think "it's what you have to do". Others because they are ashamed or because no one has ever told them that there is a solution.
Pain can have many causes. Sometimes there is a very physical origin – infections, scars, etc. – but it can also appear due to fear, guilt, or a sexual education that has taught us to experience sex from a place of alert rather than pleasure. And this, what it can cause is a tension that is involuntarily transferred to the pelvic floor muscles, and which can cause pain during penetration. And here appears another consequence that is rarely spoken about: desire. How can we want to repeat an experience that our brain has labeled as unpleasant?
So if sex hurts, don't normalize it. Listen to this signal and seek help. Physiotherapists specialized in the pelvic floor, along with psychology and sexology professionals, can be great allies. Because sex should not be an experience we endure. It should be a place where we feel safe, connected, and, above all, where there is room for pleasure.
