There are couples who end up functioning as an indivisible pack. They do everything together, share all plans, the same friends, the same hobbies, and over time, it even seems they have developed the same personality. This is what we call fusion relationships: relationships in which, at times, it's hard to know where one person ends and the other begins.
And although from the outside this is often seen as the romantic ideal – “they are inseparable!” – fusion usually has a quite common victim: sexual desire.
Part of attraction is born from difference. We are attracted to things in the other person that we feel complement us, surprise us, or awaken our curiosity. In fact, many times the moment we perceive our partner as most attractive is precisely when they are doing “their thing”: playing with their group, working on a project, playing sports, laughing with their friends, or explaining something they master. When we see them being someone beyond “our partner”.
On the other hand, when everything is shared and all energy goes towards the relationship, it's easy for a certain erotic tension to disappear. If we end up being practically the same person, the reasons for desiring each other can also end. Sex needs closeness, yes, but also a bit of symbolic distance.
And this doesn't mean that healthy relationships have to be cold or completely independent. The key is not to live alienated, but to find a balance. To be able to share spaces and intimacy without completely renouncing one's own individuality.
Because loving someone doesn't mean becoming the same person. Sometimes, to continue desiring each other, we also need to maintain our individuality.
