Fighting between siblings, something I hadn't seen coming

BarcelonaI hadn't seen it coming that my children would fight all the time. I'm an only child, and of course, I had no idea this would be a constant feature of sibling relationships. In our house, you can always hear shouting, and someone always calls the other "Stop it!" You can imagine that, with four boys, they almost always play roughly, they're always hitting each other, and what starts as a game often ends in a huge drama. Are there siblings who calmly play chess all afternoon? Or do they make recipes with the hope of being the new Roca brothers? Well, not mine. Mine argue, get angry, and say all kinds of things to each other. And is this thing about siblings always like this? I asked, completely naively, people who have siblings. Yes, it's always like this.

Son 1. The Instigator. My oldest son is the most intense because he's the one who has suffered my insecurities the most. When he was little, I would constantly touch him to see if he was breathing, and now that he's older, I realize that I've perhaps been more demanding with him than with the others. I'd say I've transferred my nerves to him. He complains and compares himself to the others because he thinks I always boo him more, and sometimes he's right. But he never stops. He's the one who thinks up all the insults and nicknames and plots all day long what the next action might be to bring peace to the family.

Son 2. The peaceful one. Luckily, son number two is very calm and never gets involved in anything. Being the middle child is like being in no man's land, and he's adapted very well to that role. He also broods and is very wild, but at least he's quieter. I think it's valuable in a company to hire someone with multiple siblings, because they develop conflict management skills, patience, and thin skin that are amazing.

Son 3. Who throws the stone. He's never done anything, and nothing is ever his fault. When we all know perfectly well that it was him. He always has a handful of perfect excuses to avoid any responsibility and always tries to close ranks with the two big boys against the little one. He's a specialist at throwing stones and hiding his hand, but he's also the one who proposes the most family plans to do things together.

Son 4. The spoiled one. I admit that I've relaxed with the youngest. He's grown up and less energetic. This generates a lot of reproaches and everyone else accuses him of being the spoiled one. He has a special predilection for poking at son number 3, and of course, being the youngest, he always ends up getting the better of it. The rest of the siblings keep saying, "This kid does whatever he wants," or "You would have grounded me by now," or "If I had done this, I wouldn't have gone out for a year." Son number 4 cries more and complains more, but we've already seen that it's just a little role he plays to seem smaller than he should and maintain his privileges. We've got it down pat.

My children have fought a lot and compare themselves all the time. "This one never does his homework," "That one spends all day lying down," "I'm a slave," or the dreaded "Of course, because you love me less." Between jealousy, comparisons, rushing in the morning, and tiredness at night, I understand that not everything can go smoothly and that arguments are part of everyday life. Now I barely flinch, and I feel like if I'm calmer, they'll be too.

To shed light on the darkness, I must tell you that now that they're older, the arguments have lessened, and they're starting to make plans together. They wait until everyone's together to continue watching a series, they share games on the Playstation, and they go play paddle tennis together. They even have a WhatsApp group for siblings that we're not in, and where I assume they share a lot of things. stickers Mine. But I like this. I really like the connection they're creating, and I hope that one day, apart from being brothers... they'll also be good friends.