The trap of the perfect summer

BarcelonaParents and mothers arrive at summer with an invisible backpack full of expectations. We want to make the most of each day, create unforgettable memories, make up for the time we haven't had during the school year, and ensure that our children will be super happy. But expectations often come with pressure. Social media, moreover, increase this anxiety when we see perfect families smiling in front of a sunset, relaxed and tanned parents, and siblings sharing the same shovel without arguing. And when we see others' photographs, we possibly have the feeling that only we are improvising.

But there are things that social media don't usually show; the stress before the photo or the crying after twenty attempts to get everyone to look at the camera. We only see the final image and end up comparing our reality (arguments about who sits by the window or teenagers who consider an excursion a violation of their rights) with the “best” thirty seconds of other people's lives.The perfect family syndrome is increasingly present in our society, you know, the belief in a perfect home, a perfect body, perfect white teeth to complement the picture with perfect sons and daughters. It is believing that one should always be happy and accumulate memorable moments. But this is as imaginary as it is unreal, since we are part of a species called human in which the majority are emotionally illiterate, which makes it difficult for them to regulate emotions such as anger, sadness, fear or anxiety.Emotionally healthy families

Happiness has little to do with perfection and a lot to do with the ability to simply be who we are: human. Happiness has more to do with serenity, inner peace, emotional balance, personal purpose, and harmony. It is not a programmed activity, nor does it appear because we have booked the best hotel or because we have a full calendar. In fact, it often appears when we stop and stop pursuing well-being outside... to look for it within.Emotionally healthy families are not those that do not have conflicts. They are those that can live them without interpreting them as a failure, since living together implies many things: laughing, but also getting angry; sharing, but also needing space; connecting, but also wanting to be for a while without talking to anyone. It implies loving each other deeply and, sometimes, not being able to stand each other for a while. And all of this is absolutely natural.

Perhaps one of the best activities we can give our sons and daughters this summer is to free them – and ourselves – from the need to be perfect. Instead of asking “Did you have a good time today?”, let's try asking them “What was the most peaceful moment?”, “When did you feel most like yourself?”, “Who helped you today or who did you help?” or “What do you need for tomorrow: adventure, more calm, more time together?Let's stop looking for happiness in the extraordinary or dopaminergic and become aware that not all days have to be wonderful, that there are boring, complicated or disappointing moments, and that, despite everything, life continues to be beautiful because we have the most precious thing close by: ourselves and our hearts, and loved ones.