Chandra Kala Clemente: "They told me: you cannot say you are over 6 years old"

Chandra was adopted in Nepal in 1998, the year in which a boom in international adoptions began in Catalonia, which lasted well into 2000. Today, those boys and girls are already adults and have been able to reflect on what happened to them. Some of them have created an association, Apacat, the first created by adopted boys and girls in Catalonia. And Chandra, who is now 33 years old, is its president.

What comes to mind if I say Nepal?

— Rediscovery. As a child I didn't want to know anything about it, but I have been getting closer to Nepali culture and I have found a new way to relate to the country that saw me born.

Why were you adopted?

— I don't know exactly what happened, but my parents died within a very short period of time. I lived in a small, modest village, and we came under the protection of an NGO that looked after me, my little brother, and my older brother. Some time later, the little one and I were taken to an orphanage in Kathmandu. 

What do you remember about the orphanage?

— My world was my little brother, and it is true that among us, with the children, we used to talk about families coming to look for you and taking you away. Until one day they told me: a couple will come, and they will be your parents. And I remember very well that the director told me: you cannot say you are over 6 years old.

And your brother?

— He dreamed of leaving, and to make him angry I always told him they would come for me first. But no, they took him away two weeks before Christmas and I didn't see him.

But didn't you say goodbye?

— No, they simply told me they had come to look for me. But something incredible happened, by pure chance. My brother's adoptive family stayed two more weeks in Nepal and met my adoptive parents. They met him before they met me. And they were also Catalans.

Were you able to meet again?

— We met again a few months later in Catalonia. The two adoptive families didn't know we had a brother in the orphanage, I think if they had known, they would have initiated the procedures to adopt us both.

How do you remember your arrival in Catalonia?

— There is that bucolic image, of the people waiting for you at the airport, a family that loves and hugs you. But I didn't know those people. It was a bit...: who are you? But I adapted quickly, I think. To school and to the language. In fact, when my brother and I met again, we both already spoke Catalan to each other.

When do you start calling someone mom?

— Do you know what I used to call my mother? I used to call her hey. I'd call her like this: hey. And after a while she told me: you don't have to call me mom, but call me by my name, okay? And in the end, I don't know how or when they became dad and mom. It's time.

What is your relationship with your brother?

— Good, but he lives outside Barcelona, we don't see each other that much. But we love each other and we like to see each other. 

Don't you think what life would have been growing up together?

— We would have learned other things. And we also have different realities, he has no memories of the town, of the orphanage... In fact, he has never returned to the town.

Why did you decide to return?

— The first time I didn't decide it, it was more my family. I was 15 years old and I thought: why do I have to go back? Nobody is waiting for me in Nepal. But in the end it was a way to have a little calm and internal reconnection, even if all I did was tread that land.

A few years later you returned there

— I was already doing the thesis work, studying the research of origins and I went to the village to look for my older brother. He wasn't there, but I found the extended family.

How was it?

— Intense. And also surreal, I arrived at a difficult time because they had just lost someone. I met my aunts, my uncles, my cousins... I found girls who told me that we had gone to class together and that we were friends...

Did you know what had happened to you?

— No. In fact, I was able to speak with the person who had brought us to the orphanage and they were relieved to know we were okay. We disappeared, people asked them what had happened and I think they had a hard time. 

And your older brother?

— I had gone to work abroad: Arabia, Qatar... We contacted via WhatsApp and didn't meet again until two years later. I went with my parents and my little brother to Nepal. He came with his family and we were together for two weeks. It was beautiful.

Are painful things spoken?

— Not much. We made an attempt to talk about what happened. And he said he was young, that he couldn't do more... and he had no options to take care of us. He is not a person who expresses himself much either. After a while he met his wife and started a family. But I was surprised that he had told them all about us.

What did it mean to meet them again? 

— Being able to know, being able to ask questions. And also knowing that I was well and am happy. And finding calm, for me it has been a way in the end to accept my story.

And how did your adoptive family experience the process?

— They are the first ones who wanted to go to Nepal. Without being therapists, or psychologists... They have always accompanied me, they have been present. I am lucky, because it is not always like that. There are families who live with pain that their son wants to search for his origins. We talk about the conflict of loyalty.

What does it mean?

— Adopted people are afraid of causing harm because of the messages we receive from adoptive families. For example: we are your family, why do you have to search? And I understand families, because many made an adoption with very good intentions but little prepared for the consequences. You are bringing a boy or girl into the family in a different way, and needs will arise that are also different. You have to be prepared. Today at the association we have cases of parents who do not want to give their children the adoption papers.

How?

— They have the documentation saved, and they don't want to give it. And they are the papers that are needed to pull the thread and find the origins.

Is it difficult to find the family?

— A lot. You encounter many barriers when you do the research. In the case of China, perhaps you only have a paper with a region, but that can be like two Spains. You have to have some document, have family names, travel there, ask at the orphanage or whoever... It's a very difficult journey.

And what do you recommend to do it?

— Let them take the process slowly and lower their expectations. Perhaps they will not have all the answers they are looking for.

Why did you create an association?

— I was dedicated to research and wanted a more real impact. There were people we always met at events organized by others, there are associations, but they are from families, and we said: why don't we set one up ourselves? It is important to share experiences.

Would you adopt?

— Right now, no. And if I did, I would do it at the national level.

I started by asking about Nepal. What comes to mind if I say Catalonia?

— My home. At the time, no one asked me, but life has brought me here, it's part of my identity and who I am. And I define myself as Catalan, even though at the same time I can explain with less tension and shame that I was born in Nepal some time ago, and that there are things that strongly link me to my origin.

How many times have they told you: how well you speak Catalan

— It is very common, they are all images of this racist gaze we have. At 20 years old I lived it very badly, but I have also learned to give answers and live it differently.

Chandra Kala, you have a Nepalese name.

— And it's very beautiful, it means new moon or decorated moon. I like it very much. And I thank my parents for it, because I was 5 years old and answered to a name, I can't imagine what it must be like for people whose names were changed and suddenly they had to be called by another name.