You, Me, and Ego: "Just because we're not parents doesn't mean we're not a family."

BadalonaThe welcome couldn't be more spectacular, effusive, and far removed from protocol and convention. Marta, Toni, and... Ego Domènech open the door to their apartment in Badalona. She's originally from Salamanca, 43 years old, and works as a clinical psychologist at the Hospital Clínic in Barcelona. He's a lifelong resident of Badalona, 46 years old, and works as an IT professional at Colectic. They met in 2016 thanks to a WhatsApp group called Swing and whatever comes up, They married in the summer of 2019 in the village of Santa Eulalia de Puig-Oriol, surrounded by family and friends. "I was the one who asked Toni for her hand!" Marta says with a laugh, joyful laughter that will be mixed with more emotional moments. "Once a month, on Saturday morning, I go to a support group for women who have not been able to become mothers or who are on the path to becoming one. In our case, we have tried three times, through fertilization. in vitro (IVF), and we haven't succeeded. The group is led by Miriam Aguilar, a renowned advocate for non-motherhood due to circumstances and author of the book "And now what?" the psychologist continues.

Aguilar's book begins with the following reflection: nothing prepares you for being a mother, but even less so for not being one. But what was her case? "Once married, we decided we would try to have children. During the pandemic, we tried, and since it wasn't working, we went to ask, to seek help. That's where our entire process with assisted reproduction began. It's a tough process on an emotional and couple level, especially for the woman, because it's your body that only has to endure these interventions. They're into the business and they don't do much for your well-being, or to support you psychologically," she recalls. Toni elaborates on this complaint: "Wanting to have children goes beyond going to the market to look for a product. It involves very deep emotions. In my case, at 18 or 20, I already wanted to be a father. These types of clinical processes are very materialistic, very cold. Yes, they explain the technical part to you. You have a psychologist behind you, and that wears you down."

From maybe never being parents to finding support

And there came a time when they just stopped trying. "It's hard to decide when to stop trying. Friends and everyone tell you why don't you try this other option or why don't you do it another way? Reading Miriam's book and starting to attend these sessions was like a before and after. Realizing that this pressure to be a mother is social and being able to allow myself to say no to the way I felt. Chances are we won't be parents, and that doesn't mean we're not a family," Marta comments. Toni regrets that there are no groups for men equivalent to his wife's: "Men must grieve alone, or go to a psychologist privately and do our therapy."

The word grief will appear several more times, in a conversation that will be replete with reasons for joy and happiness. A new apartment and the arrival of Ego into their lives has been a magical combination, a fantastic boost. It's a stretch. And it couldn't be more appropriate, when it comes to housing. "We came from a smaller rental apartment, and it was incredibly difficult for us to find a house to buy. The market is messed up, and real estate agencies aren't transparent, not at all. We spent two years looking, and now we feel lucky to have something like this. And it's located, you see, in the center of Badalona and has two terraces." After some spot renovations (changing all the electrical wiring, installing air conditioning, refinishing some floors, and installing more electrical outlets), they've been settled in for a few months now. And on top of that, they can't hear a fly here. "It was another piece of luck, because both Marta and I like peace and quiet," adds the owner. Did we say quiet? Well, it seems that Ego does not exactly share this passion.

Adopt, educate, ask and walk

After a hectic photo shoot for our report, we focused on this third member of the Domènech Sánchez family, who is 8 years old and arrived in Badalona from a shelter in Salamanca just two weeks ago. "We're still super inexperienced with dogs. I ask everyone what they have. Besides, the woman from the shelter in Salamanca is very nice and keeps an eye on us. I ask her about everything. For example, the other day he barked at two dogs. Why? Is he an aggressive dog? Is this a normal act?" Marta points out. Toni replies that Ego is from the shelter. race don't notice. But I think he's a bit of a beagle. He's currently in the pre-adoption phase. Then he'll be completely adopted by us." Toni concludes: "Currently, he has a Castilla y León passport. Later, he'll get a Catalan passport. Because dogs can't travel without one."

Aside from learning about his diet and buying him several household items, have you established a routine for taking him out for walks? "In the morning, I take him out before going to work. When Toni arrives, around 4:00 p.m., we go out together for an hour. And then at 9:30 p.m., we take him out again. We're thinking about vacations together. Maybe we'll go to the beach. We'd also like to do some camping, or, what we already have, go to Salamanca to see the family," reveals the doctor. On an unusually cool afternoon, we said goodbye to Toni, Marta, and Ego with a handshake and, of course, the indispensable lick from the mischievous animal. All displays of joy are welcome! Human and canine!