Resilience is not enduring everything: it is also knowing how to adapt

BarcelonaYou have had an impossible week at work: one meeting after another, emails at all hours, a project that has become complicated, and a boss who asks for more than you can handle. Friday arrives and, instead of stopping, you tell yourself that you can still hold on a little longer. You work through the weekend, give up the gym, eat in front of the computer, and keep postponing rest until the situation improves. You might think you are being strong. But, according to neurologist Mónica Kurtis, you are doing exactly the opposite of what being resilient means.

“There is a difference between resistance and resilience,” says this neurologist, author of Architecture of Resilience (Plataforma, 2026). To explain it, she gives an example: “You can imagine a three-meter-diameter oak tree that, when a storm comes, resists it, even if it ends up cracking,” she explains. Translated to a work situation, resisting and resisting without resting even on weekends can also end up having a price.

Resilience, on the other hand, is when, faced with this new work demand, the person decides to lower their level of perfectionism, delegate, decide what is and isn't necessary, and adapts to the situation, but while maintaining their routines and their free weekends. This ability to adapt is, precisely, one of the central ideas of her book. Being resilient does not mean coming out of adversity unscathed, but rather finding a way to get through it without getting trapped in it.

We are not born resilient

Kurtis began to take an interest in resilience in her practice. As a neurologist, she is dedicated above all to treating people suffering from neurodegenerative diseases. This is how, over the years, she has observed something that particularly catches her attention: patients with very disabling illnesses who arrive at the clinic smiling, while others, with much milder symptoms, live the situation with enormous despair. "Why some and not others?", she asks herself.

This question led her to become interested in what makes some people, after an adverse experience, capable of moving forward. "Until now, what we know about resilience comes very much from trauma literature and above all from post-traumatic stress," she explains. But post-traumatic stress appears in a relatively small proportion of people who have suffered trauma. "This book is to look at that other 90% who survive and overcome trauma in a healthy way," she points out.

It is not, therefore, about discovering who has some kind of superpower that allows them to endure everything. Resilience is not a fixed personality trait. "It is something that can change and that changes over time," the neurologist assures. In other words, our brain plasticity allows us to go on building our capacity for resilience.

And this is where the architectural metaphor of the book's title appears: there are different pillars that intervene in the formation of resilience: self-confidence, social skills, the way we interpret stress, external support, and the meaning or purpose we give to life.

The brain in the face of adversity

When we suffer a crisis situation, a loss, or a trauma, the first thing that activates is the amygdala, which Kurtis describes as “our brain's alarm”. It is what detects danger and puts the body on alert.

In an immediate situation of threat, this mechanism is useful: if a car is about to hit us, we need to react before we start analyzing what is happening. But when faced with a layoff, an illness, or the death of a loved one, the response is more complex. The same alarm system is activated, but the situation is not resolved in seconds. The risk is getting stuck in this state of alert even when the danger has already passed.

Over time, however, the brain can regain balance. Kurtis points to the role of the prefrontal cortex, which she describes as the “CEO” of the brain: it is what, once the first, more instinctive moments are overcome, helps to bring in reasoning. This does not mean stopping the feeling of sadness, fear, or pain. Being resilient is not about being fine in the face of a situation that hurts. It is being able to continue regulating oneself while that situation hurts.

According to Kurtis, currently “we are in a culture with a lot of fear of suffering, with a great desire to control everything”. And perhaps part of the problem is that we confuse strength with endurance. That we think that being able to continue working when we are exhausted, not asking for help when we need it, or putting up with an unsustainable situation is a sign of character.

But, sometimes, the most resilient response can be precisely the opposite: lowering the level of demand, delegating, asking for help, maintaining the routines that sustain us, and accepting that we cannot control everything.