Maria del Carme Banús: "I'm a matchmaker because I didn't want people to have as much trouble finding a partner as I did."

BarcelonaMaria del Carme Banús (Alcover, 1953) has dedicated more than three decades to uniting couples. She is matchmakerA modern version of the traditional matchmaker. In the mid-90s, she radically changed her professional life and founded Samsara, one of the few marriage agencies in Barcelona.

How does a person become matchmaker?

— I was an executive secretary. I liked my job and had a fulfilling life until I turned 40. Then, I don't know if it was a midlife crisis, but I started wondering if that was it, if I would spend my whole life doing the same thing. And the more time passed, the more frustrated I felt doing the job I was doing. It got to the point where I was so tired that I said, "I want to do a job I love so much that money isn't the most important thing." And then, when this happened, I said I wanted to be the quickest and surest way to find a partner. I felt like it was a calling or a command, and the truth is, this was at the end of October, and by December I was already asking the company for my severance pay. I started on Valentine's Day because I thought that what starts well, ends well. At that time, I was leading a group of singles [singles] and when I explained that I wanted to start an agency many of those friends helped me.

The group of singles Was it already for arranging dates?

— We used to meet on Saturdays for dinner and dancing, and on Thursdays for dinner and a lecture. I saw that many single people came there, eager to meet others. This was certainly one of the reasons that prompted me to open the agency. Another important factor is that I had always found it very difficult to find a partner. So I thought I didn't want other people to struggle as much as I did, I didn't want it to be such a burden for them. When I was 36 or 37, I would have loved to be a mother, but the years passed, and before I knew it, I was 40. When I met the man of my life, I was 45. He didn't have children, neither did I, and we had our whole lives together. We had a wonderful time, but that longing I had for children couldn't be fulfilled. I didn't want this to happen to my clients.

And because it is matchmaker Should one be romantic or rather practical and realistic?

— I'm a hopeless romantic. As a child, I was always immersed in love stories. I come from a very insular town [Alcover], and I always longed to leave because it felt too small for me. Books always helped me dream of other realities. But at the same time, I have a more realistic side, that of a self-made woman, a real go-getter. I left the town at 22, with only my primary school certificate. I arrived in Barcelona, ​​took the university entrance exam for students over 25, earned a degree, and have continued my education ever since. That daughter I would have loved to have, but who, for whatever reason, wasn't meant to be, has become my business. I believe I have much more than a job; I have a life's mission.

She trained at the Matchmaking Institute in New York. What did she learn there?

— The style of doing matchmaking American methods are very different from what we do. Have you seen the film? MaterialistsWell, that's how it really works in the United States. They do it there. hunting [Love hunt]. The company has a number of women who go to singles' booths to find candidates. Since all these people working to find a partner for the client have to be paid, they must charge a lot. I don't believe in this kind of matchmakingOur success lies in the fact that we only introduce people who are clients, who are committed, and who want a stable relationship.

When it comes to matching couples, do you focus more on romance or practical matters?

— In my private life, I can be very romantic, but at work, I'm a professional. Our clients first have an interview with a psychologist, and then I always meet with them. I want to get to know everyone because I'm the one who decides who we introduce to whom. I'm the one who knows everyone. Sometimes, when I have someone in front of me, I already have someone I could introduce them to in mind. Usually, when this happens, they like each other, but it's not always the case. How do we know who might be a good match? We have a lot of information: what people are looking for, what the psychologist says, a personality test, my perception of the person. It's like a cocktail, because there's also the requirement that they like each other as a couple. We give them the information so they can get to know each other, and then they have to give us their feedback. We work for a year to help them find a partner.

What type of customers do you have?

— Well, it's very diverse, starting with people in their early thirties. Just a few days ago, we had to advise a gentleman not to register. Twenty years ago, he had registered and found a partner, but now he's been widowed at 85. These are very extreme ages, and we have few people in our database for them. The age ranges we see most often are from 37 or 38 up to 60. The common denominator among the people who come here is that they're of a certain age and want to start a family, or they've had a great time as singles and at some point say, "I'd like to share my life."

Do the requests change much depending on whether you are a man or a woman?

— Look, men like a young and pretty girl, that doesn't change. This morning I was talking to a client and he said, "I'm used to having very young and pretty secretaries in my circle." He's accepted an introduction to someone only five years younger than him, a wonderful person, and I think they might like each other. But, just in case, someone a little younger. Everyone wants someone a bit younger, but if I see that two people might like each other, I usually call them. You lose nothing and can gain a lot by having a coffee together. Age isn't just the age on your ID; sometimes it's also the age of how you feel, what your concerns are, what you do. What I mean is that age is a guideline, but it's not what makes you like someone or not.

Are there social status requirements?

— Anything is possible. If one person has a certain social status, they have to really like the other person to feel comfortable. When there's a big difference in status, it can be a very passionate relationship because there's a lot of chemistry, but it's much harder to solidify. It's a relationship with a lot of learning; you have to communicate a lot. All the research done worldwide says that the more two people have in common, the more likely the relationship is to be successful.

She has been working as a matchmaker for 31 years. Has she seen an evolution in the way we relate to each other emotionally?

— The people who come here want to love and be loved. Society has changed a lot, but the person who comes here is looking for a romantic relationship.

But isn't marriage the ultimate goal anymore?

— There's something I absolutely dislike about my job, and that's that we're in the matchmaking industry; we can't do anything about it. When we started in 1995, we had quite young people coming in, people who had finished their degrees, master's programs, and had good jobs. Back then, society expected them to get married and have children. They weren't used to going out, and they came to a place where they knew they could find a partner. But after the divorce law, we also had people coming in and saying, "I've already been married, but I think I deserve to fall in love again." They said it as if they felt guilty for coming all the way here. Now, dating apps have normalized our work. I remember the first people who came in saying, "I never in my life would have imagined coming to a matchmaking agency." The idea of ​​romantic love is still there, this idea that you have to find love in the supermarket or movie line. When that doesn't happen, you leave frustrated and think there's something wrong with you. It's not like that at all. I really like to remember a phrase that Antonio Lara used to say: "This society gives us many opportunities to make love, but very few to fall in love."

They survived the apps. Now it seems they're declining. Have people grown tired of them?

A news story came out saying that the stock prices of dating app companies had plummeted on the New York Stock Exchange. There's a real sense of weariness. When the apps first launched, it was like a tsunami: you could just say, from the comfort of your home, with your phone, "yes to this one, no to that one." At first, it was a godsend. If everyone on the apps actually wanted a partner and were honest, instead of just looking for something else, it would make a great movie. But now everyone's on, all sorts of people. A client was telling me the other day that she'd been on Tinder and met 15 people, and none of them were who they claimed to be.