It's to piss yourself laughing

Barça capped off a fantastic league on Sunday in the most brilliant way. It had never happened before and 62,000 Barça fans were privileged witnesses. Confirming and celebrating the championship at Camp Nou with a victory against Real Madrid is orgasmic. But doing so after the farce that the white dressing room has gifted us in recent days, with fights, stitches, leaks, and disciplinary proceedings, elevates the climax to superlative levels. Not even the most optimistic Barça fan would have imagined such an outcome. It's laugh-out-loud funny, as Kylian Mbappé has already done.

We must savor the French forward's role in the whole saga. It's pure caviar. Last week, with Valdebebas on fire, he lowered the window of his sports car so the paparazzi could photograph him roaring with laughter with his mouth wide open. Days earlier, supposedly injured, he had angered Madrid fans with a romantic getaway to Sardinia, broadcast with full publicity. And to top it all off, he only gestured in favor of the club that pays him over 30 million annually when his teammates were already losing 2-0 at Camp Nou. Shielded by muscle discomfort that everyone knows will disappear when the World Cup approaches and Madrid completes the remaining three league matches, good old Kiki will sign a second year without titles while PSG heads for their second consecutive Champions League. Luis Enrique's laughter still sounds even louder and more malevolent.

And Vinícius? Some paint him as the good guy in the movie just because he hasn't backed down from the season's garbage. But if there's a trigger for the destruction that Madrid has self-inflicted, it's the Brazilian's behavior. His gesticulations in the first leg of the classic at the Bernabéu, from which Barça emerged seven points behind in the standings, squandered Xabi Alonso's authority and led Florentino Pérez to gift the locker room clan a change of coach. The emergency choice was Álvaro Arbeloa, who has since burned out even faster than the San Sebastian native. Mourinho's former soldier has ended up becoming a meme. In Barcelona, cone-shaped hats are on their way to running out.

The solution on the horizon that Florentino is cooking up is to mess everything up again precisely with the Portuguese coach. A very strong smell of mothballs to try to challenge the youngest and most uninhibited champion Barça that has ever been seen. As they say in the Spanish capital, big door or infirmary. Meanwhile, let no one and nothing disturb our party or our hangover.