It's to piss yourself laughing

Barça on Sunday put the finishing touch to a fantastic League in the most brilliant way. It had never happened before and 62,000 Barcelona fans were privileged witnesses. Confirming and celebrating the championship at Camp Nou with a victory against Real Madrid is orgasmic. But doing so after the farce that the white dressing room has gifted in recent days, with fisticuffs, stitches, leaks, and disciplinary proceedings, elevates the climax to superlative levels. Not even the most optimistic culé would have imagined such an outcome. It's hilarious, as Kylian Mbappé has already done.

We must savor the French forward's role in this whole soap opera. It's pure caviar. Last week, with Valdebebas in flames, he lowered the window of his sports car so that the paparazzi could photograph him bursting out laughing with his mouth wide open. Days earlier, allegedly injured, he had infuriated madridismo with a romantic getaway to Sardinia, broadcast with full publicity. And to top it all off, he only gestured in favor of the club that pays him more than 30 million annually when his teammates were already losing 2-0 at Camp Nou. Shielded by muscular discomfort that everyone knows will disappear as the World Cup approaches and Madrid completes the remaining three league matches, good old Kiki will sign a second year without titles while PSG is on its way to a second consecutive Champions League. Luis Enrique's laughter sounds even louder and more malevolent.

And Vinícius? Some paint him as the good guy in the movie just because he hasn't backed down from the season's garbage. But if there's a trigger for the destruction that Madrid has self-inflicted, it's the Brazilian's behavior. His grandstanding in the first leg classic at the Bernabéu, from which Barça emerged seven points behind in the standings, squandered Xabi Alonso's authority and led Florentino Pérez to gift the locker room clan a coaching change. The emergency choice was Álvaro Arbeloa, who has since burned out even faster than the man from San Sebastián. Mourinho's ex-soldier has ended up becoming a meme. In Barcelona, cone-shaped hats are on their way to running out.

The solution on the horizon that Florentino is cooking up is to mess everything up again precisely with the Portuguese coach. A very strong whiff of mothballs to try and challenge the youngest and most uninhibited champion Barça ever seen. As they say in the Spanish capital, big entrance or infirmary. Meanwhile, let no one and nothing disturb our party or our hangover.