Wild boars are the new territorial division of Catalonia. Soon there will be districts for wild boar, rabbit, roe deer, cat, dog, hamster, marsupial… The boo-boo, meow-meow, cluck-cluck, glug-glug, nyak-nyak… Nyam-nyam.
There comes a time when the animals start talking at home. At the table, in bed, in the refrigerator, in the freezer. The beasts take over. Ferran Sáez, the human philosopher, writes: "When several generations come together in the same dialogic context and respect for elders still prevails, one listens and remains silent. Although it may seem paradoxical, listening and remaining silent are the condition of possibility for adult speech." Now, not anymore: children rule, like an imposed dictatorship, but above all, as Sáez says, the "humanized dogs and cats." This is the language, the lingua franca. Anything is possible in this monkey world where there are more beasts than people.
The opinion of rabbits is more important, valid, and reasoned than that of farmers. But we want broccoli from the farmers who devour rabbits. But hey, rabbits first, therefore, neither broccoli nor rabbits. We want to dialogue with wild boars to reach a bilateral agreement, of understanding and concord, so that they can freely cause accidents from 3:00 to 4:00 PM every day, and the rest of the week they respect the traffic lights we will install so they can circulate safely for their species. Therefore, caution, dear driver.
Wildlife causes one in three traffic accidents in Catalonia. 63% of accidents caused by a collision with an animal in 2024 involved wild boars (Ponle Freno opinion research center and the Axa Foundation). At a distance: dogs (11%), roe deer (9%), red deer (7%), other animals (11%). Catalonia, when it comes to wild boar encounters, is independent of the rest of Spain: it's a Catalan peculiarity. They happen everywhere. And there are more and more released animals eager to drive. But, of course, it happens in a part of the country that is unseen and unwanted, so it's as if it doesn't happen.
There's a part of the country that wants wild boars to work as guides in Collserola Park. They'll greet everyone. They'll show visitors the typical wildlife. And they'll find humans on all fours. Dragging their noses along the ground and inhaling magical shit worlds. The problem is that wild boar Catalonia is the real Catalonia. Animal Catalonia will save a wild boar and then buy a [unclear - possibly a specific item] at the supermarket. pack of offer of "Dialogues of nugget "reasoned frozen breaded in Pyrenean thyme" and will deny, even under torture, that that thawed piece is actually a chicken. Their biggest concern is not being able to enjoy the Collserola children's park, not that thousands of Catalans will lose their jobs because of the plague. It's more important to do running, Bicing, flipping, flying…And then go skiing for the weekend in Apache territory and bump into wild boars as a sensory experience.
The beasts laugh. They applaud. They reproduce. They command. They govern. They congratulate themselves on the smooth running of the journey: the increase in accidents. Business is good. On every road, makeshift restaurants. Food to eat in or to take away. Humans grilled, barbecued, stewed, plastered. And all seasoned with the triumphant soundtrack of eternal hunger: nyic-nyic. Some want Catalonia to become increasingly empty of people and increasingly full of animals. Nyic-nyic.
