We read in the ARA that researchers from the University of Edinburgh (which is not the No-Thi-Fixis University) "have discovered in a study that a bacterium calledEscherichia colican convert a molecule from a plastic bottle into paracetamol." The findings are published in the journalNature Chemistry.
If I think now that all the plastic waste on the planet will be converted into this famous medicine, I'll get a headache. And if I get a headache, what I'll do, of course, is swallow an old Bonpreu bag in the shape of a paracetamol capsule. But if I think this, that I'll take an old Bonpreu bag in the shape of a paracetamol capsule, I'll get a bigger headache, and maybe I'll have to swallow an old Tupperware in the shape of a capsule and see if thinking this also gives me a bigger headache.
There are so many tons of plastic that there will be many tons of paracetamol. We'll have to make warehouses to store the tons and tons (in plastic boxes, which once used we'll turn into more paracetamol in new plastic boxes). To get rid of the paracetamol, what we'll do is have doctors prescribe us a lot, everyone take paracetamol for headaches. Humanity waging war, killing each other, bombing each other, loving each other, writing and reading, eating and drinking, writing this article with a paracetamol pill at its side, just in case. There will be menstrual poverty, but never antipyretic poverty.
And so we will live happily and painlessly, until another scientist, from another university, discovers that a bacteria transforms clothing waste into ibuprofen. And with great joy on our part, we will think that we can finally combine them, now one, now the other, every four hours, eternally.
