When a friend becomes an enemy

As social beings, friends have a great importance in our lives from an early age. Interaction with peers provides children and adolescents with a space in which they can form voluntary, equitable and mutual relationships, which are crucial for socialization. In this environment, says child and adolescent psychologist Julia Maria Bonet, "deep emotional ties are created and several important psychological processes are developed, such as prosocial behavior, emotional control, aggression management, self-esteem building and conflict resolution, among others." According to Bonet, having friends not only favors the development of social skills, "but also predicts adequate psychological well-being in the future and a better ability to deal with conflicts."

At what age do people start to form their first friendships? What are they usually like?

Children begin to form their first friendships around the age of 2 or 3. These relationships, which focus mainly on shared activities and play, "tend to be changing and temporary, because they are based on physical closeness and frequent interaction," says Bonet. However, early friendships allow them to explore "basic social skills and lay the foundations for more complex bonds in the future."

What facts help two children become friends? And what can hinder it?

For the child and adolescent psychologist, the personality traits that favour two children becoming friends include "sociability, empathy and the ability to collaborate." Children with these qualities, she adds, "tend to be more likely to establish friendships because it allows them to connect with others, resolve conflicts and enjoy shared activities." On the contrary, characteristics such as aggressiveness, lack of social skills or excessive shyness "can limit interactions and make it difficult to build these bonds," Bonet stresses.

Why does a child start to call someone he previously considered a friend an enemy?

Changes in the perception of a friend to an "enemy" may be related to emotional and cognitive development processes in which interpersonal conflicts arise during play or situations that involve competing for resources or the attention of others. As children grow, Bonet warns, they also begin to develop a deeper understanding of loyalty and personal boundaries. Therefore, "disagreements, frustrations or misunderstandings can trigger these changes, because children learn to manage their emotions and relationships in a more complex way."

Is this change of mind more common at certain ages?

The shift in perception from friendship to enmity is a natural process that occurs as children develop social, emotional and cognitive skills. Julia Maria Bonet explains it this way: "In the preschool stage (3-5 years), children are still learning to share and manage their emotions, so conflicts may be more frequent. In the school stage (6-12 years), relationships become more complex and children develop more understanding of loyalty and social norms due to the search for identity and the influence of external factors, such as friends and groups."

Are these situations usually reversible? Can the conflict be resolved?

In many cases, conflicts that generate a change in perception among children are reversible. As they mature emotionally and develop skills to manage their emotions, "most disagreements can be resolved through communication and forgiveness." In some cases, relationships can be restored "if both parties are willing to understand and overcome the conflict." However, she points out, "the possibility of resolution depends on the severity of the disagreement and the social and conflict-resolution skills of the children involved."

How should the reference adults intervene in these cases?

At an early age, it is essential for schools to intervene to facilitate the resolution of conflicts between children. Educators, Bonet points out, "must promote open communication and empathy between children, teaching them to identify and express their emotions appropriately." Through cooperative games, group activities and constant guidance from adults, she points out, "they can learn to negotiate and resolve disputes in a positive way." For the psychologist, a collaborative approach between parents and school is "key to ensuring the acquisition of problem-solving skills and the development of social skills." Bonet describes the participation of parents as "very valuable," because their involvement "can help children reinforce these skills in a positive and lasting way."