Sharing a house on the weekend, much more than a second home
Second homes have ceased to be an affordable option for many families who can barely afford a first home; for this reason, they devise other solutions to enjoy weekends outside the city
BarcelonaIn just fifteen days, Bruna spent her first weekend in a house that, recently, her parents and about a dozen other families had rented together to share time and leisure. She is now twenty years old and, although she doesn't go there as much as before, she is happy to have it available. “I remember the excitement of Friday evenings, when I knew we were going,” explains Bruna, “we had a great time, we went on excursions and we had a cabin”.
Bruna's family is the driving force behind a project that is already more than two decades old and has been incorporating new groups as others leave. Lida is one of these new additions and learned about it because she was invited by some friends. “I want this, I said immediately,” she explains. After this first contact came the pandemic. It was complicated for her to find a large house outside of Barcelona to set up a new project, and in those that were operational, there was no space. Finally, the same friends who showed it to them were leaving and they took the opportunity.
They go more or less once a month and especially during the school year and she would like to be able to meet more with the other families. They are one of the families that make the most use of it. She knows that when children get older it is more difficult, because they have their own agenda of sports competitions, music, leisure activities... That's why she takes advantage of the fact that hers are still small to enjoy it to the fullest and acknowledges that for the project to be sustainable there must be families with young boys and girls, since adolescence is the time when most dropouts occur. "I appreciate that my parents didn't give up and kept fighting for it," admits Bruna, "because even as a teenager, even though we could have other plans, we also had a good time." With this experience, Bruna already thinks that, if it depends on her, she will try to keep it going: "I have many memories there, at home, it's an idea that really appeals to me and I would also really like it for my children."
![A moment of peace on the sofa, while the children play together](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 3500 2333"%3E%3C/svg%3E)
Sharing homes outside of Barcelona is a practice that is not only more economically affordable than having your own second home, but also generates a lot of satisfaction among those who embrace it. Natàlia Cantó, a sociologist and professor in the Arts and Humanities Studies at the UOC, sees these advantages, but also highlights some added values, such as having playmates for the children, sharing conversations and evenings for adults, and even sharing family care activities. All of this can represent "a great learning experience," according to Cantó, who emphasizes that the family context also transmits "a message and a style of leisure and inhabiting the world".
'The rectory's people'
In the project in which Jordi participates, they share this same philosophy. They were scout companions when they were young and now, sixteen years ago, they decided to look for a space to share their weekends. They found it in Montclar del Berguedà, where the Diocese rented them the rectory. He and his partner did not move in until they had their first daughter, and for more than ten years now, they have tried to go up there once a month. They have a very good relationship with the village, a municipality that suffered depopulation decades ago, where they are known as 'the ones from the rectory', and the Diocese has never put any obstacles in their way.
They are five family units, three with children, who experience this space as a place to meet with friends. “If the others don't come, we hardly come,” says Jordi, to explain that what gives meaning to the initiative is sharing time with friends who also have children of similar ages. In fact, up to six children between eight and sixteen years old can be found there. To achieve this, they try to take advantage of all long weekends and reserve, above all, two dates to be there all together: Sant Joan and the Festa Major.
Rules and organization
Expanding the network of relationships for children fosters their sense of community and autonomy and, for this reason, family psychologist Gemma Tejedor, from the Nexum center in Barcelona, considers it a “much enriching” experience, but also warns that it is necessary to “care for it, generate understanding among the members and bring an adult perspective with communication and complicity”.
In this regard, there are no written rules and each project functions as its initiators have wished. In Jordi's case, they started from the experience of scouting, which facilitated this understanding from the beginning, and they are lucky that it is a large house and each family has its own room. Although they have had to meet on occasion to make decisions, they do not have a “decennial code of conduct”, but rather very basic rules, such as leaving a small extraordinary amount in the common pot for bills each night they stay there. Thus, those who use it the most, participate more in the expenses. Regarding meals, a menu is designed when they arrive, they go shopping, and they cook for those who are there, all together. “We have made each other”, explains Jordi.
Lida and Bruna's house is not big enough for each family to have its own room, but that doesn't cause them any inconvenience either, because they rarely all coincide. Like Jordi, they have fixed dates (Saint John's Day, the Chestnut Festival, and an 'esclatada' in February), but it's also complicated for all ten to be there. They have no rules beyond the minimum of having to leave the house clean and locked, but they do have agreed-upon menus for the arrival night and the first meal. Everyone knows they have to bring the ingredients to cook, among them, those first courses, and the rest is decided beforehand, and they also bring everything to cook together. Once a year, they also try to ensure that at least one member from each family comes up to do general maintenance.
A safe place
If I hadn't bet on this project, Lida's family wouldn't have looked for a second home on their own either. What moved them to join was being able to offer their daughters the opportunity to share space with other children "in a careful and healthy way, with close and friendly people." It is the same way of understanding the experience that Jordi has, who does not assimilate it as a second home but as a meeting place. "It fills us a lot to see that for our sons and daughters Montclar is a safe space, where they have friends who are like cousins," he details, "it's like a kind of family." Bruna's memory and assessment confirm that the objective is achievable: she believes that the experience has taught her to share, when she was little, and has brought her very interesting and very different conversations, when she is older. "I have grown up there, I have learned many things and experienced them and, above all, it is a safe place where no one judges me no matter what happens".
The experience of creating a meeting space to share weekends, beyond occasional get-togethers, allows for the development and work on diverse areas in children. From the Nexum center, Gemma Tejedor identifies five and talks about them from the most positive perspective, but also warns of the need to consider certain risks:
- 1. Socialization It is an opportunity to create deep and stable bonds, which favors minors' social skills, as well as their sense of belonging. At the same time, however, these same bonds can be so intense that they generate equally intense conflicts and more marked roles and leadership emerge.
- 2. The social bubble Shared projects are real natural communities and can be understood as an extension of the nuclear family. This community reinforces values such as solidarity, cooperation, or mutual support and can “air out” the nuclear family. However, if the group is very homogeneous, a certain endogamy can be reproduced and limit children's exposure to diversity.
- 3. Autonomy Free play in a safe and stable environment like this improves children's autonomy, as the conditions are met to explore more, make decisions, and create necessary freedom. For children with fewer social needs, on the other hand, it can lead to a certain saturation and the desire to be at home.
- 4. Contact with nature Outdoor and less structured play has a positive impact on the emotional and physical development of children (and adults too) who are used to living in a hurry, following routines, and meeting schedules, because it becomes more flexible. This idealizes the experience, which can mask the tensions that can arise between adults, especially due to the minimal routine and organization behind it, which can be exhausting.
- 5. Diverse educational models Sharing time with other families means children see other family models, that each one has its limits and ways of doing things. Children are enriched by flexibility and social understanding, but it can also cause them certain confusion due to the differences between more lax or more rigid families, which can also lead to tensions between adults.
