From what age can children be left alone at home?

BarcelonaWe get home from school, and just as we're halfway through our evening routine, we realize we've forgotten to buy bread. We'll have to get dressed again—put on shoes, jackets… and all go back downstairs. What if I leave him alone for a moment?

Who isn't familiar with this situation? It's at times like these that many parents begin to wonder if their child can be left alone. Knowing this isn't easy because, like any developmental process, it depends on each child. For Miguel Muñoz Ibáñez, a clinical psychologist and systemic family therapist at the Vincles center, it's a controversial topic because there's no set age; rather, it depends on the child's maturity, development, and autonomy. However, it's important to keep in mind that at certain ages it's not feasible because leaving children unattended, for example, those under seven, can be considered neglect. At this age, they can hardly develop the strategies and autonomy that would give them a sense of security, but the psychologist points out that tools can be introduced so that later, between nine and ten years old, it can be tested whether the child can be left alone at home for "short periods." However, Muñoz is very clear about the underlying reason for this decision: starting to leave a child alone at home shouldn't stem from an "impulsive need" on the part of the parents, but rather from work focused on autonomy, confidence, and self-esteem so that children acquire this new skill and, when the time comes, can handle it without problems.

How do you know if they are ready to stay alone?

To be able to stay alone for even a short time, a child must be able to take care of themselves, that is, have a certain level of self-sufficiency. Muñoz describes these "minimal strategies" as the ability to react if something happens: alerting a trusted neighbor, calling emergency services (112) if there's an incident, etc. Therefore, she always recommends preparing children with these skills before leaving them alone, anticipating potential problems as much as possible, and practicing in advance so that they are prepared when an unexpected event occurs. If these basic guidelines for managing the situation are in place, Muñoz believes that children can begin to stay home alone around nine or ten years old, provided it's for short periods that can gradually increase with age.

And what if they ask to be left alone? 

Muñoz believes it's positive when a child asks to be left alone. Being able to do so makes them feel grown-up, and not being able to can "invalidate their confidence and development." "Overprotection and fear of parents aren't good either," says Muñoz.

The transition to secondary school: the turning point?

Normally, starting secondary school brings a change to family logistics. They go to class alone and, therefore, have more autonomy while creating their own spaces, which is why it's positive for them to already be settled around 5th or 6th grade. In this sense, Muñoz also believes it's worthwhile to anticipate this transition to ensure a smooth transition so that, although it's not common, the situation can arise where, when the time comes, they don't like it.

The risk of long afternoons

The independence gained in secondary school often clashes with work-life balance. "A schedule that allows you to be home by four in the afternoon is utopian," says Muñoz, aware of the context in which families live. She warns, however, that leaving teenagers alone every afternoon until dinnertime can cause emotional problems. "It's not neglect, but the bond and family care are being neglected," she adds. Along these lines, she suggests looking for extracurricular activities that they enjoy, so they are only alone for part of the afternoon.

And what about at night?

For Muñoz, night is no different from day in that the challenge is the same: having the tools to react if something happens. However, he understands that it has a different connotation and, therefore, he wouldn't leave a twelve-year-old alone, but perhaps it could be tried with a teenager around sixteen years old. In this case, Muñoz suggests that the parents not go "too far" for the first few nights in case they need to return.

Signs to worry?

Sometimes children say they want to stay, but then they have a hard time. Muñoz says that in these cases they may show distress when their parents return or suffer regressions, such as bedwetting. In these cases, Muñoz advocates providing support to help them overcome fears and build confidence.