How to get children to help around the house

BarcelonaWhen you want children to help around the house, regardless of their age, the important thing is to be clear and consistent about what is expected of them. "The goal is for them not to do it out of obligation, not to impose or expect them to obey, but for them to feel part of the family and therefore want to contribute to household chores," suggests Andrea Zambrano. coachA lawyer and writer, she created the AEIOU method for connecting with children and is an expert on invisible forms of violence. She recommends holding family meetings where everyone's responsibilities are agreed upon and defined.

We agreed on tasks and responsibilities

To establish who will do what, a family meeting should be held to detail the tasks: picking up toys, making the bed, setting the table, loading the dishwasher, hanging up the laundry, etc. The tasks are divided so that each person chooses what they want to be responsible for, agreeing on who will do what and how often. But what happens when someone doesn't do their assigned task? "The consequences should also be agreed upon," Zambrano points out. It's about shifting the paradigm from obedience to cooperation, from a top-down to a more horizontal structure, and cultivating a connection with the children that goes beyond chores.

Writing down agreements and posting them on the refrigerator or somewhere visible also helps everyone visualize what they will do. Having it documented is important so that if someone doesn't comply, they can't get out of it. It will also help children understand the many tasks their parents perform. Both the agreements and the consequences are subject to review; what has been agreed upon doesn't have to be set in stone.

When do we start?

From a young age, children can be responsible for tasks they are capable of. Simple tasks like putting dirty clothes in the hamper or setting the table will allow them to feel useful and part of the family. The level of difficulty should gradually increase as they grow, taking into account each child's level of independence. "Generally, we expect little from them and tend to overprotect them. We could give them much more responsibility from a young age," Zambrano points out.

Children's willingness to help often varies because each child is different. Therefore, while a balance should be struck between everyone's responsibilities, parents may need to accept each child's individual circumstances: "Let's acknowledge the positive attitude of those who tend to do things without having to constantly remind them to do them." Zambrano recommends accepting children as they are and ensuring everyone fulfills their obligations.

It seems so, but no

When family members reach agreements, but in practice the children don't do their part, time should be found to review them: "What happens if they don't keep their word? We need to talk, make them realize they're not doing what was agreed upon, and reconsider," she suggests. This will also prevent adults from becoming exhausted by constantly chasing after their children. Avoiding this exhaustion helps prevent damage to the relationship.

If children never fulfill their obligations despite having agreed upon and reviewed them, this defiance is likely a symptom indicating an underlying problem that needs to be addressed. Therefore, except in exceptional cases, if tasks and consequences are agreed upon and boundaries are maintained, family life will run smoothly.