Headline sweeper cars: the best of 2025
Latest Stop machines This year's headlines are dedicated to some of the ones that have made this task a little more enjoyable (with thanks to Te Felicito Hijo and Paul Fairie, the two great purveyors of that kind of humor). These headlines are the pomegranate of salads: that small, acidic burst of wordplay, whether intentional or not, like someone who grafted on "A gang of thieves steals 100,000 organic eggs from a trailer. The police have begun the search." Or: "The owner of Roomba can't absorb any more losses and files for bankruptcy." Or also: "'Everything I say gets leaked,' says Mark Zuckerberg in a leaked document." The digital oligarchs are infuriating, and some can't resist adding a few subtle value judgments to their wording: "Microsoft's head of AI doesn't understand why people don't like AI, and I don't understand why he doesn't understand because it's quite obvious." In any case, I'm fascinated by headlines that contain micro-stories, like "Turtle missing for months appears a mile from home" or "Pennsylvania's Flood Museum temporarily closed due to flooding."
Other short stories are considerably more scatological: "Koldo requests a cell change in prison because Ábalos snores and won't stop hitting people." However, there's no need to worry about the former minister: "Breathing through your anus is safe, according to science," tells us another fantastic headline of the year. There are headlines that, due to a lack of context, become utter nonsense, like when we learned that "Madrid's Naval Police debut new electric cars manufactured in Spain." Good luck sailing the seas of Madrid. I'll finish with this one: "A woman goes to a doctor's appointment in Valdecilla and learns she's dead." Reading some of these gems, I sometimes suspect I'm the one who's dead, who's ended up in some strange limbo surrounded by ghostly headlines. Happy New Year, from beyond the grave.
