The triumph of narcissists is especially evident in the political sphere. Trump, Milei, Maduro, Putin... the list is long, and in these cases, Víctor Amat speaks of figures "who are easily identifiable as narcissists." He adds that, in politics, and especially in populist movements, manipulation is commonplace: "Populism is pure marketing applied to politics, in which I am able to echo the most vocal complaint of the population, sell a simple solution to this complaint, and focus all social ills on this single grievance." And why does it work? "Because it's a simple discourse and because persuasion plays on emotion, and emotion always wins over reason. The only thing we can do to combat this, and this is my fight, is to help people develop critical thinking skills."
Why do narcissists always get their way?
We spoke with experts to learn about the tools to counter the persuasive power of narcissists and how to use this ability to capture attention in a positive way.
BarcelonaPerhaps without realizing it, we spend half our lives surrounded by people with narcissistic behavior, people who are always able to get what they want thanks to their mastery of the art of persuasion, a skill that often makes them irresistible but especially manipulative. This is the profile discussed in his latest book, written in his characteristic irreverent yet precise and reflective style, by psychologist Víctor Amat, who, in The 10 laws to be fucking irresistible (Vergara) aims to give readers the tools to combat narcissists with their own weapons. Amat explains that the book stems from his professional experience as a professor of persuasion techniques for healthcare professionals and from the demands of patients who come to his practice complaining that they have encountered a narcissist at work or in their personal lives. His goal, he states, is for them to understand and apply persuasion in everyday life, but above all, "how to use it for good." And here he wants to differentiate "the narcissist from what would be a malicious narcissist": "I think we all have a touch of narcissism; therefore, the important thing is to distinguish the person's intention," he says. He asserts that the key is to learn from these people to protect ourselves and improve, and he sees persuasion as both a shield and a weapon. Because we have all been deceived by charming people at some point in our lives.
Selfish, narcissistic, Machiavellian, or psychopathic. Knowing where the line is isn't always easy because, as the psychologist explains, "not everything is black and white, and when we talk about psychological and emotional problems, we always talk about context, learning, how that person is limited by this problem, and how this problem affects others. Whether a person is more or less narcissistic isn't a problem, as long as they don't harm others." And is the narcissist aware of it? "No. In principle, being a narcissist doesn't necessarily imply being a malicious person, although some are. Let's look at Trump and Putin, for example. The former is a narcissist and a megalomaniac. He stands out for his ability to capture attention and persuade others to blame his followers. It's quite possible you could adopt this trait. Putin, on the other hand, leans more towards the psychopathic profile. Broadly speaking, some characteristics of narcissism are grandiosity and a need for admiration, a lack of empathy and the exploitation of others in interpersonal relationships, or envy and an arrogant attitude as common behaviors. And if Trump is an example of so-called grandiose narcissism, there is also what is known as covert narcissism, much more common and also more dangerous, even for those who suffer from it, since these are people who see themselves as victims and manipulate others to capture their attention.
Narcissism in the digital age
In this age of attention, exposure, and appearance, the psychologist warns of how today's society rewards the ability to capture attention, even in education, where presentation skills are emphasized over knowledge. In this regard, he reaffirms that, ultimately, "persuasion is a tool that, if used benevolently, is fine. The problem is that persuasion is often used with a very selfish desire to get people to go exactly where I want, and that's where the negative connotation it carries comes from." He adds a reflection: "It's absurd to think that people shouldn't be narcissistic or manipulative in a world where narcissism is rewarded. We only have to look at the people who stand out." Given this reality, where egocentric and selfish profiles predominate, he advocates not positioning oneself as a victim but fighting back with the same weapons. "If we all end up swimming in a pool of narcissism, well, we'll have to learn to swim. When you interact with people like that, you already know what they're like, and pretending they're different is absurd. You either distance yourself or learn to speak their language." The key, then, is knowing how to detect these behaviors and acquiring tools to deal with them, if we want to deal with them at all.
And why are narcissists often successful people? "Mainly because, contrary to what one might think, one of their greatest talents is that they know how to listen, recognize the difficulties of others, and use this information to improve their future." However, too often the danger is that they will gain a partisan and selfish advantage, which is why the psychologist recommends that when dealing with these types of people, we don't lose sight of our own objectives. If we start arguing without keeping them in mind, we're sure to lose, because they will never deviate from their ultimate goal.