The crisis of relationships in the age of AI: “To receive so much hate, I’d rather disappear and not interact with anyone.”

Barcelona"Is it okay to cheat on someone? I don't know anymore, because if you cheat on them, you betray your partner, but if you don't, you betray yourself and maybe end up destroying the relationship. So, if you have an open relationship, it stops being a relationship and starts being the Solutions Forum because you'll have to talk about and manage sex," said Oye Sherman in the closing monologue of Enfoquem: the Solutions Forum held at the CCCB for ARA's 15th anniversary. Faced with the complexity of relationships, the comedian ended up choosing to talk about housing, the main concern of Catalans according to the CEO (we'd have to see what would happen if we asked about relationships!): "My love life makes the housing crisis seem like a pleasant topic." And this was confirmed by the round table discussion dedicated to the topic: "We are in a moment of searching where many ways of connecting converge. We have banished the references of romantic love and are still building new ones," points out sociologist and specialist in digital social innovation Liliana Arroyo. It seems that everything is yet to be done and that everything is possible, butthe do it yourself"It can become a double-edged sword.

"There's a quest for perfection fueled by social media," says Imane Raissali, psychologist, communicator, and singer known as Miss Raisa. We not only compare our bodies and our lives, but also our travel and trip partners, "we saw Roman and Roman relationships," going to amazing restaurants, and we ask ourselves: "Is my relationship too boring?" But all this isn't real: "It's filtered, heavily made up, and highly curated." Journalist and critic Joan Burdeus subscribes to this thesis: "We have expectations for the other person to meet again and again, and there are expectations for them to fail, think, think, think." Relationships, in his opinion, should be somewhat fragile, and there should be a certain risk of uncertainty. "Forest truth," adds Pau Serrasolsas, the singer from Ginestà, who presents himself as an expert in ending relationships and admits that music is the medium he uses to express his way of relating, as he did with the song. Let go of each other's hand, which he recorded with his ex-partner, actress Laia Manzanares, a year after their breakup. "If loving each other was beautiful, letting go should be too. If love knows how to transform, let it live in the thousand forms we want to give it," they sing. Because if we're lost, it's perhaps because we're trying to do things differently: "We wanted to do it as well as possible because it seems relationships always have to end badly."

Enjoyment is forbidden

One of the transformations we've experienced has been the shift from a society of prohibition to a society of obligatory enjoyment, a dictate that must be lived to the fullest and that often leaves us feeling guilty. "Now you can't rebel against anything other than your inability to enjoy yourself all the time," says Burdeus, who links this to the rise in depression and the decline in interest in sex. He defines it as a trap. You fall into it if you feel you're not okay but that you could be if you tried harder. It's not like that: "Sometimes you can't be okay, or you have to stop and do things differently."

Added to this is diversification. There are so many options to choose from that this leads to anxiety, partly a result of a consumer system that turns people into commodities, Arroyo points out. "It's increasingly difficult to grow and connect, to know who you are, how you should relate to others. You have such a wide range of options that you don't even know everything you have to choose from. It's more complicated to understand the new ways we have of connecting, in addition to the different forms or expressions of identity," she says.

But not everyone is free to choose in a society also marked by many social inequalities. This is the experience Raissali shares, who, as a woman of Muslim origin, lived in an arranged marriage for five years. "I've learned to love my vulnerabilities and to choose better with whom to share them. Over time, we learn, above all, what we don't want," she affirms.

Less sex and more fear of the other

All these changes especially affect the younger generations. In Barcelona, ​​young people between 11 and 17 years old are the age group that feels the most alone—more so than those over 65. "Something isn't working when it comes to building relationships. There's something deeper at play," Arroyo points out. It's the lack of support, which we used to find in a romantic partner and which we now seek more in other areas. She attributes this to an exacerbated individualism, which she also links to the fact that young people are having less sex. 30.9% of young Americans don't have sex, according to a study conducted between 2016 and 2018, a trend that seems to be confirmed here.

In this sense, influencers and celebrities like Rosalía They have made voluntary celibacy visible.For Bordeaux, it's a reaction to the obligation to enjoy oneself. "Sex has gone from being transgressive to becoming a purely instrumental, pleasurable exchange. If you don't feel liberated and empowered, you stop wanting it," he says. And that's disastrous for sex, he continues, which is an excuse for love and only works when it's not the goal: "It's been going so well that now suddenly we're just having sex."

In addition to a low tolerance for frustration, the fear of being hurt could be one of the main reasons for young people's loneliness and disinterest in sex. "We have a humanitarian crisis, which is human interaction. We treat each other very badly. To receive so much hate or horrible comments, I'd rather disappear and not interact with anyone," explains Raissali.

AI: Kinder than a boyfriend

As if this jumble of social changes and difficulties in relating to others weren't enough, a special guest has arrived at our meeting: generative AI. One in four young people in their twenties in the United States use AI to replicate romantic interactions, according to a study by Journal of Social and Personal RelationshipsAnother report from the Harvard Business Review It identifies therapy and companionship as the first use of generative AI.

Having a virtual partner is no longer science fiction, and we'll have to see the impact on mental health of trusting a machine that tells you what you want to hear more than a partner, a friend, or a professional. "We are establishing relationships with software. ChatGPT treats you very well, it will never argue with you, it will always agree with you, it will always tell you that you have a very good idea. This companionship, which doesn't question you, doesn't challenge you, and doesn't point out your vulnerabilities, is much more pleasant," says Arroyo.

From Tinder to Strava: choose your dating app

Dating apps reflect the search for new ways to connect and a growing diversification. They are becoming increasingly segmented: there are apps for gay people, for trans people, for people with autism spectrum disorders, and for... celebritiesFor example. As Bordeaux said, with the loss of interest in sex as a goal, Tinder has lost users, while others like Strava, an app for runners and cyclists, are gaining ground. So how do you connect then? Serrasolsas reveals the trick with irony: "You share the results of your run that day and someone says, 'Wow, you're amazing today.' And you reply, 'Hey, how's it going?'"

Despite so much confusion, everyone looks to the future with hope. "We'll have more examples with greater reach, and we'll have figured out how we connect with machines," predicts Arroyo. In any case, "we will name love "The space that pulls us out of the inertia of the void, and that will continue to exist no matter how much machines or society change," Burdeus adds. Oye Sherman draws her own conclusions: that she should abandon Tinder and get a Strava account, and that since people are desperate, she'll try to find a date through the Catalan Health Service (CatSalut): "I'm sure he's on the file there."