What do I do if he doesn't like the food I've given him and wants something else?

GironaIt's lunchtime. On the table is a bowl of pumpkin soup and some slices of hake. With a menu like this, it's easy to guess—though there are always exceptions—what the child's reaction will be: huffs, whines, and a plea. They'd prefer French fries and a hamburger. What do we do? Educational psychologist Anna Serra Dolcet explains that, faced with such a situation—where the challenge of setting limits arises—parents experience a mix of emotions, ranging from frustration and worry about what will happen if their child doesn't eat, to guilt. A quick response is usually, "You're eating this because I said so," or "I'll cook something else because the important thing is that you end up eating." Between authoritarianism and permissiveness, however, there is, according to Serra, a space for dialogue (depending on the child's age), openness, and diverse suggestions, from which everyone will benefit.

What do I say if they don't want to eat?

Breathe. Before you answer, calm down. It's more educational to take a moment of silence. And pay attention to your expression because children often want to know how we react: if we look angry or scared, they're likely to start crying, and that will turn into a longer complaint. If we show serenity, they'll probably decide to try it. "They don't want us to be perfect, but calm, present, and strong," this expert assures us.

Food is meant to bring pleasure.

"I understand that you might find it difficult to eat certain things or try new ones, but I'm here and I can help you get through that uncomfortable feeling." There's no need to say it, but thinking it is important. This attitude will demonstrate support. "Food is meant to be enjoyed, and we'll find a way to enjoy it together. If not, we can also add a dollop of homemade mayonnaise or some sliced olives on top to make that plate of beans more appealing," suggests Serra.

He eats broccoli at school but not at home. Why?

Perplexed. That's how many families feel. But it's necessary to be proactive. "Let's not overreact. Let's just take a few steps. We know he eats at school, but we shouldn't get into serious talk because otherwise this back-and-forth gets out of hand," and the parent can end up caught in cycles of relaxation, oscillating between authoritarian and permissive behavior. Neither one nor the other (nor awardsThe recommendation is to try to accompany them and encourage their approach with respect. "Forcing them to eat through demands generates rebellion, inner weakness, and insecurity. This way, they will only learn to do things through imposition or, conversely, they will learn to get their way: 'Make me a plate of pasta or I won't eat!'"

Introduce new foods slowly

When faced with new foods, if we're overwhelmed by their refusal and immediately change their plate, we're overprotecting them and depriving them of the opportunity to verbalize "I don't like it," to try it, or to discover that they might actually like it. It's important to give them space, tranquility, interest, and confidence to try it freely. "Just as you don't learn to read in three days, we can't expect them to like everything right away. And, if we see they're interested, then we can gradually introduce the new food."

Make mealtimes a shared experience

Serra emphasizes that in homes there is "a lack of spaces for collaboration and family contribution." Children eat and leave. This expert adds that it's important to value the preparations for setting and clearing the table; and to do so with care because the table (and food) occupy a place of honor in our lives. "It's a sacred space, where, in fact, we all come together: let's take care of it and participate together in creating this special moment. Young children learn from their parents' example," she stresses. Let's also pay attention to the conversation, making sure it's full of questions and answers (and free of cell phones, of course). "We can talk about the origin of the beans, the farmer, how many times they've been watered, and how many people have worked so that we can enjoy them at the table... The idea is to give value and gratitude for what we eat," says Serra. In short, taking care of our food and how meals are prepared is also a form of education, because "food is a bond: a moment of connection with the people we love," she concludes.