Warning that they set limits

Barcelona"I consider myself a somewhat atypical grandfather because, for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don't live in the same city as my grandchildren, I'm a long-distance grandfather. Also, because of my personality and hobbies, I have a pretty busy life with a number of activities I do regularly, and therefore, I don't have Josep available either." His case is less common, but increasingly prevalent in a context where intensive care for grandchildren has been a social pillar. Although there's no manual for being a grandparent, the data reflects a well-established pattern: 42% of Spanish grandparents (between 55 and 69 years old) with minor grandchildren take care of them daily or at least once a week, mainly because the parents can't (41%). These tasks include picking them up from school or extracurricular activities (39%) and doing leisure activities like going to the park or for a snack (39%). according to the V Mapfre Foundation Senior Consumer Barometer (2025)

"Despite the diversity of family arrangements, the Western model places parents as primarily responsible for children's well-being, while grandparents provide almost unconditional support, often without much decision-making power. This pattern is typical of Southern Europe and the Mediterranean area, but is heavily influenced by the changes it is undergoing," says a professor of Arts and Humanities at the Open University of Catalonia (UOC).

This pattern is based on geographical proximity, which facilitates daily care. "This model requires children to stay close to where they grew up, which fits very well with the economic system, as it reduces the need for public support for care and work-life balance policies," Cantó points out. In contrast, in models more typical of Central Europe, where work-life balance is better guaranteed by the welfare state, "we see far fewer grandparents taking on daily caregiving tasks. This doesn't mean that these children don't have grandparents or family time, but rather that these moments are less frequent and, above all, less forced than in our model," she notes.

In Europe, the intensity of grandchild care varies from country to country.The Baltic and Nordic countries—Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Sweden, and Finland—are the least likely to participate in childcare, with percentages ranging from 13% to 17%. In contrast, in Spain, nearly 30% of grandparents care for their grandchildren each week, a higher proportion than the European average of around 25%.

More and more people are choosing not to take on this caregiving role in such an intensive and structured way, as is the case with Josep. "I'm divorced and have long-standing hobbies, and I enjoy good health and a desire to discover new things and travel. All of this means I'm quite busy and, therefore, have limited availability to be a grandfather," says the grandfather of Gala, 7, and Joana, who doesn't want to say she won't be a role model for Juan, 3. "My life is meant to be enjoyed, and I live my own life, but when I can, and when my spiritual guides are doing well, I get together with them and we enjoy it," he says. Josep explains how these occasional get-togethers with his spiritual guides become a novelty and a celebration, and that the relationship is excellent.

Continue caring for your children by caring for your grandchildren

"Many elderly people take on intensive care not of their own volition, but because they know that if they don't, their children will face difficulties. Sometimes it's more an act of unconditional love for their children than a typical role for the elderly; to the point that it's hard to distinguish whether they are acting as grandparents or, in reality, assuming an almost parental role, because, in reality, they are supporting their children," the sociologist points out.

According to a report by SOS Children's Villages Based on CIS data, Spanish grandparents who provide intensive care dedicate an average of 16 hours per week, taking on tasks such as school lunches or babysitting to help their children financially. In fact, in Spain, 45% of grandparents say their grandchildren regularly come to their house for meals: 10% every day and 35% at least once a week, according to the CIS. the Mapfre Foundation report"There are grandparents who do things they might not really want to do; we start from the idea that if you do it out of love, you always do it willingly, but that's not always the case," Cantó clarifies.

Breaking the mold and reshaping social expectations

Unlike other grandfathers his age, Josep has never felt pressured to fulfill the role of a "traditional grandfather." "In my case, I've never received any criticism or heard anyone expect a level of dedication I can't give. But I have colleagues who complain that they'd rather be doing other things, having less intense or exhaustive contact with their grandchildren, not because they don't love them, but because they'd like to do more personal things, but they don't dare."

Breaking with the societal expectation of caring for grandchildren can become a source of conflict. "The social impact of grandparents is especially relevant in families with greater needs. In many cases, they feel obligated to care for their grandchildren, often at the expense of their free time and their own quality of life, which can generate stress and, sometimes, tension within the family," explains Enric Ollé, spokesperson for the Federation of Associations of Older People of Catalonia (FATEC). 35% of grandparents Those who frequently care for grandchildren show symptoms of physical and emotional overload.

When social class shapes grandparenting

For Cantó, it's important to recognize that behind everything lies a significant dimension of class and resources. "Many of these things we see as decisions are actually a structural consequence. Sometimes an entire family has to use what little resources they have to get by, and this means that some people end up with caregiving responsibilities when they really need to receive them," she points out. Along these lines, Ollé explains that, in well-off families, "there's usually no problem finding alternative ways to care for children without relying on grandparents." However, in families with greater economic hardship, "they need the help of grandparents, and this is where the problem arises for the elderly." According to Cantó, the answer depends both on each grandparent's personal circumstances and the social environment in which they live: "the same practices can have very different consequences depending on the social context in which they occur."

"Family conflicts can arise when expectations don't align: some assume grandparents will do the same as the previous generation, while others have different plans or boundaries. It can also happen that some grandparents want to be more involved, while their children don't want to be, because they don't share that view." Although recommendations are complex and depend on each family, Ollé suggests that children be understanding and avoid overburdening grandparents: "We've seen situations of excessive responsibility, to the point that some grandparents feel exploited. We recommend that grandparents set limits and care for their grandchildren to the extent they can and want to, without feeling overwhelmed. In the FATECFor example, they have observed that senior activities and centers are often spaces occupied by people who no longer have this obligation or who have grown grandchildren.

Grandmothers, trapped in the traditional role

In an economic and social context marked by increasing individualization and higher life expectancy and quality of life, more and more people are asserting their right to decide how they want to live this stage of life. "This makes them feel more justified in prioritizing personal preferences, even over those of others and, sometimes, over their own needs," Cantó comments. However, this possibility has not been distributed equally: traditionally, men have had more leeway to do so than women. And this inequality, according to Cantó, also affects grandmothers. "We live in a patriarchal society, with deeply rooted structures and unequal distributions of rights, duties, and tasks. And because it is unequal and not just different, tasks associated with the female gender are undervalued and taken for granted as acts of love," the sociologist explains.

The issue doesn't only affect the parents' or grandparents' generation, but also how each family distributes responsibilities and organizes itself. "To what extent there is an obligation to help children who are already adults—not only from a legal point of view, but also a moral one—is an open debate," Cantó points out.

"Before, the role of grandparents was to take care of their grandchildren; today this has changed. Older people have their own lives and can combine them with family ties. Every grandfather and grandmother is different because every person is different, and therefore so is the relationship and the rules they establish with their grandchildren. The value of this diversity lies in the elderly," Josep expresses.