The start of the school year also trains them for life
The school year begins, and with it, families set in motion an almost perfect machinery: the fashionable backpack, the wonderfully covered books, schedules squared to the millimeter, and WhatsApp groups in full swing. We try to anticipate everything so that our children begin school calmly and without difficulties. But, sometimes, in this legitimate attempt to protect them, we are literally leaving them unprotected, because we eliminate what will help them most to become strong: the small daily setbacks. The start of the school year is a magnificent moment to train resilience, especially when they haven't gotten the teacher they expected, or their best friend is in another class, or everyone says it will be a complicated year.
Let us know that resilience does not arise from nothing, but is a competence that must be trained, just like trees do, which become stronger when the wind blows because, with every shake, the roots learn to hold them more and better to the ground. With children, exactly the same thing happens; they do not build strength when we avoid discomforts for them, but quite the opposite, each time a limit is set for them, when they have to tolerate a "no", when they have to adapt to that teacher, or when they realize that life will not always be as they want it to be.
It is curious because we live in a society that talks a lot about success; we celebrate victories, good results, good grades, and excellent ones. And for some reason, we make defeat disappear, which also exists, even though we hide it because it is uncomfortable for us or makes us angry. Educating children also in defeat is essential because a child who always wins (if we adults keep adapting the rules for them) does not feel more secure, but rather can grow up thinking that they are only valuable when they are successful.
In my work, I see that there are two types of parents: those who prepare the path for the child, and those who prepare the child for the path. The former try to remove all the stones before the child reaches them. They get ahead of everything and talk to the teacher or the classmates in case they have a problem, or they rush to bring forgotten material, justify mistakes, and avoid any situation that could cause a minimum of frustration. And the child ends up believing that without the help of others, they cannot and will not be able to.
When a child comes home with a difficulty, our first impulse is usually to solve it. Let's change "what can I do?" to "what do you need to try it?" or "what options do you have?" or "in what part do you need help?". Accompanying is staying close while they try. Rescuing is doing it ourselves so they don't suffer, while at the same time wasting a fantastic opportunity to train them in those skills they will need to go through life, such as autonomy, responsibility, self-esteem, or courage.
This September, let's not focus on preparing a perfect start to the school year but on being coaching parents for life. Let's start by giving them space to organize their own schedules (when they will wake up, when they will pack their bags or do their homework...), let them make mistakes covering their books, and when they lose, let them feel that they are still worth the same. And let's turn the stones in the path that we dislike so much into the steps that will allow them to climb, up there, where their dreams dwell.