How can we avoid 'bad' influences on our children?

BarcelonaWhen entering adolescence, everyone wants to feel accepted and included in the group and, above all, not be labeled as strange or different. Achieving this often involves imitating others, who are usually those with greater leadership skills and from whom behaviors that are "well-regarded and highly valued" are discarded. Therefore, they follow the behavior of the most popular. This is a common behavior in this "transitional" stage of life from childhood to adulthood. As explained by Laura Cerdán, a collaborating professor at thestudies in psychology and educational sciences from the Open University of Catalonia (UOC), is a stage of change and evolution in the emotional, cognitive, and social realms, with "strong social pressure" that encourages imitation of peers. Although each adolescent experiences these changes in their own way and differently, there is consensus that these are years in which friendships gain significant importance, and young people therefore seek to identify with their peers.

Is it normal for him to imitate his friends?

For Cerdán, imitating children is completely normal, and he believes it shouldn't be negative. "Sometimes it's quite the opposite: imitating or wanting to imitate is good for learning social skills, understanding the norms and values of the group, and ultimately developing your own identity. It can create stronger bonds," Cerdán asserts.

However, families do need to be vigilant, as the line between normality and what could be called a "bad influence" can be difficult to identify, and it may be our children who allow themselves to be convinced to jump from one balcony to another, take photographs in dangerous places, or take certain actions. Cerdán places this line between danger and harm, and therefore believes we must ensure that the attitudes to be imitated do not involve either. Whether a young person knows how to identify whether what is being proposed to them is harmful or dangerous depends on self-esteem, self-confidence, and a critical spirit. And acquiring these elements, adds the UOC psychologist and educational psychologist, is a task that spans throughout the child's upbringing, not just during adolescence.

What can families do?

"To ensure a young person's critical thinking, it's necessary to reach adolescence with the work done, and the problem is that families often arrive late to this stage of life because we get overwhelmed," Cerdán states. She is emphatic about this. She believes it's necessary to work on values and the family's ability to reason, and at the same time, encourage them to question certain situations.

But it's not enough. Cerdán insists that it's necessary to work on communication from a young age. "Communication must be open; the adolescent shouldn't feel judged, but rather comfortable, and it must encourage critical thinking," advises Cerdán, who sees it as a very good exercise for families because they end up talking about topics "they don't want to hear." For the psychologist, it's also important not to confuse roles. "Parents must have a certain amount of authority and remain in the role of educators, and therefore, clear and consistent limits must be set so that the young person sees and understands what behaviors are acceptable and what isn't," Cerdán summarizes.

Cerdán points out that there is a perception that teenagers don't listen to what their parents tell them, but insists that another task families must do is "set an example." "If we don't want them to smoke, we can't tell them not to and then smoke ourselves," explains the psychologist, who insists that "what they see at home" is not immediately passed on to them but rather "impregnates" its influence on their children.

And how can you detect if they have "bad" influences?

If our son or daughter is imitating a bad influenceGood communication will help us detect it, but Cerdán adds that we shouldn't lose sight of other details that will give us warning signs. Sudden changes in behavior or sleeping or eating habits, a drop in academic performance, or hanging out with new classmates and friends without explaining who they are or introducing them can be some of these symptoms, says Cerdán. However, we must always keep in mind that adolescence is a stage with a high level of intimacy and personality that must also be respected because they need "their space" and don't need to have everything explained to us. "We have to find the balance," Cerdán summarizes.