Anna Manso: "Perfection kills, humor saves lives"
Writer, screenwriter and mother of Eva, Pol and Nil, aged 27, 24 and 20. She writes scripts for the 3cat soap opera Com si fos ahir. She celebrates 25 years since the publication of her first book, El Fittipaldi (Cruïlla) and publishes Liana 4: Els secrets del bosc (Cruïlla) with illustrations by Cinthya Álvarez, for readers aged 7 to 9. For 11 years she signed the column La pitjor mare del món in ARA and now she writes the column Visca la vida in Ara Diumenge.
Eva, my eldest daughter, got married before the summer and, if I were still writing The Worst Mother in the World, I would have liked to explain the impact and the emotion I felt seeing her take that step. I would confess that I cried like a baby. Perhaps soon it will be your turn to write The worst grandmother in the world.
— The day this happens will be wonderful, a cosmic explosion of love. I imagine myself being a grandmother like the ones I have invented in my books. Of my four grandparents, I only knew one, and he was already too old and had too many grandchildren to pay attention to me. So I have invented grandparents like the ones I wish I had had: playful, close, free, loving, understanding, with their own lives, and imperfect.
If you had to be a mother again, would you be as demanding?
— With social media, there is immense pressure regarding different models of motherhood and fatherhood. When I became a mother for the first time, in 1999, neither Facebook nor Instagram existed, but even then, I already felt the demand of what was explained in blogs. Later, I also fled from the malicious WhatsApp groups of school parents. Abandoning unhealthy self-demand is becoming increasingly important. You have to calm down, keep going as best you can, and without feeling guilty if things don't turn out as well as you expect.
What would you do differently if you were to become a mother again?
— Perhaps I would change some decision, like the choice of some school. Or I would have traveled more around the world with the children. Perhaps I would have insisted more that they play music. I would have asked that the father of the children and I do some things differently, even the choice of surnames.
The order?
— Yes. Back then I gave in because people were just starting to be able to choose, and using my first name seemed like a radical feminist choice, and at that moment I was afraid of being identified as such. But apart from that, I think I would take it all without so much tension. I don't make a big deal out of it either. You learn from mistakes and I think the Worst Mother in the World's motto is good: perfection kills and humor saves lives.
Contrary to what usually happens, becoming a mother made you grow professionally.
— The birth of Eva creatively unlocked me. I had been dedicating myself to writing scripts for years, but writing a book is a completely solitary job and I didn't dare to do it out of pure insecurity. In the most overwhelmed moment, an irrepressible impulse made me sit down at the computer and start writing books like the ones that had made me happy when I was a little girl. Later I realized that the act of courage of starting to narrate with my own voice was linked to the courage of having become a mother.
Has Eva married yet, but Pol and Nil are still running around the house?
— Eva hasn't lived at home for five years now, but her brothers are still there, every other week. They spend the other week with their father, whom I divorced eight years ago. The relationship with two adult, yet still young, boys under my roof must be handled with delicacy and also with firmness. Now the dialogue is more frank, freer, and should be easier.
Should?
— Sometimes it is not, because they are already eager to do their own thing and they complain. And I also complain because I make them see that there are things that are no longer appropriate. The topics of conflict are logistics and order. And communication. And some small detail like tobacco smoke or noise. The difference is that we resolve it without so much drama. I have become allergic to drama. I cannot stand it.
Can I ask if they bring partners home?
— When there have been partners, I have handled it normally and, yes, they have stayed over. I do not see any problem beyond agreeing that they should have given notice and that they also collaborate at home. I do not understand why anyone would put obstacles in their children's way when it comes to building healthy sex-affective relationships. There is only one problem, when there is a breakup, because that person you have also loved suddenly stops being part of your life.
Tell me about a happy moment.
— On the day of Eva's civil wedding, Pol and Nil dedicated some simply beautiful, mature, and funny words to her. Pol wrote his speech alone. And Nil, even though he asked me for help, rewrote his from top to bottom. Listening to them, apart from getting emotional seeing those young men who just two days ago were fighting with their sister, I thought "I knew it, I knew they had a knack for writing".