Oriol Mitjà: "Taking sick leave because of sadness is very difficult for me."

BarcelonaOriol Mitjà (Arenys de Munt, 1980) is one of the country's best-known researchers. He played a prominent role during the COVID-19 pandemic, is one of the leading voices in infectious diseases—especially those related to poverty—works as head of section at the Germans Trias i Pujol Hospital, and has received numerous awards and recognitions for his scientific work. After publishing With an open heart. A story of everything I've lived through. in 2021 and The world that awaits us In 2022, the infectious disease specialist published Where light is born, where she addresses depression from her personal experience.

What has it been like writing about your life and your illness?

— This book is very different from my previous two and has nothing to do with my field of expertise, because I'm neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist. It's a very personal book in which I try to share my experiences, which many people will recognize as their own because they will have gone through similar situations. I write about emotions and feelings, about sadness, anguish, and exhaustion, which I've felt very intensely throughout my life due to the various bouts of depression I've suffered. I also explain the ways I've found to cope. I believe that we humans go through very similar situations, and this book is about our shared humanity.

What role has his childhood played in his depression?

— It was a sad and lonely childhood. Back then, no one talked about it. bullying, And I wouldn't use this word either, but it's true that I couldn't find my place and I experienced difficult situations that made me feel rejected by my classmates. I had to develop a thick skin to face this threat; I took refuge in books and studying to prove to myself that I was indeed capable. I think everything contributes to it. Depression is an illness with a number of genetic factors that predispose one to it. My mother also suffered from it. But there are also contributing factors, which in my case were significant during childhood and adolescence, and there are also triggering factors.

She also writes about her mother's suicide attempt.

— Yes, it was an almost traumatic, very painful experience. It was like staring into the abyss. I never spoke to her about it. Mental health was taboo; there was so much shame. Depression has always been associated with fragile people who don't feel like working, or don't want to get out of bed, or don't want to go out to dinner with friends. As if it were all very rational, lacking willpower, and there weren't any real illness behind it. And this association still exists today. I feel the same way. Taking time off for sadness is very difficult for me. If I have a job interview, I never mention that I take antidepressants because I think the other person will see that I'm fragile.

Do you think the same stigma exists now as it did then?

— In the 1980s, it was taboo and no one even talked about it. People with depression stayed locked away at home, and the less known about it, the better. Now we can talk about mental health, but I think the old perception still exists that fragility is bad, and that you shouldn't go on a trip with someone who is depressed because they'll ruin the trip, or that you shouldn't hire someone with depression because they'll quit.

In the book he describes several episodes of the disease.

— My depression has always fluctuated; that is, there are periods when I'm quite well and periods when I fall into a deep well that's very difficult to climb out of. Even if you've climbed out before, when you're down, you're unable to envision a future where you feel better. And that crushes you even more. The hardest time of my illness was during the pandemic, between 2021 and 2022, but I didn't realize it until it was over. It was a perfect storm because I was constantly working; we were doing many research projects, and I couldn't find any time to stop and rest. At the same time, I was also doing outreach about the pandemic—I chose to do it—and I encountered people who disagreed with what I was saying. Hostile language on social media also hurts; it's like a dripping tap.

And he resorted to all kinds of shelters.

— Yes, to escape the suffering I've drunk alcohol and induced vomiting. It happens to all of us when we don't want to feel sorrow, pain, or sadness; we look for ways to escape as quickly as possible. It's a way of numbing the anxiety, which only generates more discomfort, feeds the suffering, and in the long run makes everything worse. These days I still drink occasionally and weigh myself every day, but I've learned to be more respectful of myself, and this progress is reflected in the book. I've made mistakes, but I can love myself and I can forgive myself. I accept that I don't always have to be perfect.

Do you live with the idea that depression can return at any time?

— I'm doing well now and I'm happy, excited to present the book, but I was in a bad place last fall. Of course, I still live with it, and it causes a lot of anxiety, because when you're doing well, you worry about falling back into that pit. However, one of the greatest discoveries I've made has been shedding the label of "depressed." I thought that, being depressed, I must be sad, and it just kept getting worse. Now I've learned to let go of that label, and when I'm not depressed, I can appreciate everyday life much more and enjoy things.

Are you willing to help others with this book?

— I wrote this solely to help others. Beyond my experiences with depression, I also share all the lessons, experiences, and things that have helped me. The old wounds are still there, but with maturity, you can understand them better and incorporate them into your life. If I could have chosen, I wouldn't have gone through any of it, but now I have, I've suffered, and yes, I believe it can greatly help others. To varying degrees, some will experience a more fleeting sadness, while others will feel such profound sadness that they won't know how to get back on their feet. Within this spectrum, you have someone who can support you or share their own experience.