Violence during breastfeeding: "With those nipples you won't be able to breastfeed properly"

Barcelona"I'll bring you some nipple shields because you won't be able to breastfeed properly with those nipples"; "If you can't breastfeed, it's okay, we'll bring her a bottle"; "Your milk isn't nourishing her enough, we'll bring you some formula milk supplements." These are some of the phrases that women hear most often when they are trying to breastfeed. What is supposed to be a calm moment to be able to figure out how to feed their baby with their own body becomes a coming and going of people who give their opinions with the intention of helping but, in the end, without stopping to listen and find out what the mother needs.

The woman has prepared herself: she has read, she has attended prenatal classes, she has asked friends who already had experience... but at that moment she feels like she has forgotten everything, that she will not be able to do it, the little confidence she had diminishes every time her son or daughter cries, shaking his or her head without being able to latch on properly to the breast. All she needs is for someone to listen to her fears and support her. Someone to take the time necessary to accompany her in those first attempts, to guide and validate her. To feel "You are doing well" while she remembers everything she learned weeks before. What does she find instead? People who doubt her ability, people who do not have the time to be with her and offer her quick solutions to a situation that requires slow work and patience, people who invalidate her feelings of mistrust and treat her as if what is so important to her were not important at all, people who offer her the alternative of formula milk as if it did not matter.

Those who cannot choose

It is known by everyone that the WHO recommends breastfeeding as the main food for children up to 6 months of age, but despite this information, breastfeeding is not where it belongs. Because breast milk is not only a compendium of nutritional properties, it also has psycho-emotional connotations for the woman who decides to feed her this type of food. It is a way of bonding with her child and by downplaying it, her personal space, her most intimate relationship, is being invaded.

It must be said that the situation of women who choose not to breastfeed is completely legitimate and respectable, and is not comparable to those who cannot freely choose to do so, but rather due to poor management by the professionals who care for them. Either because it is not given the importance it deserves, or because there is no interest in training and learning more, in giving it the time and professionalism it needs. It seems that it is better to recommend giving bottles and putting breastfeeding aside than to sit down with the woman for the time she needs to be heard and valued.

Breastfeeding is not about rushing, it is about patience, about pampering the process and understanding that the woman is at the centre. And, as in so many other situations in a woman's life, when this does not happen, violence is being exercised against her. And in this case, also against babies. Because they are not only deprived of the properties of the milk itself, they are deprived of the bond chosen by their mother against her will. Violence in breastfeeding is real and contemporary. It occurs every day in health centres, promoted by disinterest, misinformation, abuse of power and malpractice. Not only by professionals, but also by institutions, which do not offer training or sufficient ratios of health professionals to be able to provide care with the necessary knowledge and time.