Lolita Bosch: "There are teachers who make students feel bad"

BarcelonaI have learned a lot from my daughter and her friends. They have shown me things that are fundamental to understanding who I am today.

What makes you understand each other so well?

— Listen to her and ask lots of questions. Ask her opinion on the things I do.

And what do you know now about adolescence?

— That it is cheesy. That it has a romantic component, even if it is contrary.

Perhaps adolescence is simply the moment when children stop going along with nonsense.

— There are many people who never go along with the millstones, and there are those who always do. Each person seeks a way to feel safe in the world. It happens that when adolescence arrives we expect a shock, but it is very long. It is a fascinating and dazzling path of knowledge, intense and exciting.

At 14 you suffered bullying for three and a half years.

— I was in a pilot program that did not have validation with official studies. I could not go to another school. This could not happen in BUP and COU, which is what was done at that time.

The instigator was a teacher.

— That teacher wanted the position that I had been given to go to someone else. But I had to construct this myself in order to understand it. In reality, there are many teachers who make students feel bad. A large majority, I would like to think, do so without realizing it. But sometimes we other adults also make children feel bad.

How have you taught your daughter to defend herself?

— I teach my daughter to speak, to try to understand who she is. To say it if she wants to say it and when she thinks it is appropriate. And I also learn from her what resources she invents to live. But there is no need to teach her to defend herself from anything because I don't want to raise her thinking that she is being attacked.

What would you say to a daughter or son who does bullying?

— How are you? What do you need? Can I help you?

What have you learned from listening to who does bullying?

— So many things. How vulnerable power is. How afraid those who are scary are. How alone they are. How ashamed they feel in private. How few tools they have. How much help they need. How this label they will never be able to get rid of. It's dramatic.

And what can be done to turn the situation around?

— Love. Ask for help. Show weaknesses. Offer help. Don't force uncomfortable situations. Respect.

In the book you propose that the abuser assume responsibility for his actions.

— We adults know that everything has some repercussion. But teenagers still can't fully understand it because, as my grandmother used to say, "humans are born half animals." The part of their brain that understands that everything has consequences is not yet developed and it is our job to make them understand or to accompany them.

I interviewed you five years ago and you told me how much you liked to travel with Mila. Does she still travel as much?

— Covid slowed it down a bit, but yes, we go out a lot and spend a lot of time together. We spend a lot of time together. I am a single mother. Most of my friends are also single mothers and they tell me that I have a very special bond with my daughter. I tell her that she doesn't have a plan B and that we have to understand each other no matter what.

How have you evolved as a mother over the years?

— We have both evolved. She guides me, perhaps without being aware of it. I live with her, I ask her questions, and I tell her how I am and that I am also afraid of some things. I tell her that we can both do great things together. I think that works for us. The other day I was thinking about it. I don't know what I suggested to her to do, but she answered me: we are no longer old. And I thought that that answer was very nice, that she found that we had a common time.

Tell me a hard truth about motherhood.

— There is a Jewish proverb that says that God had to invent mothers because he couldn't do everything himself. I have learned a lot about motherhood, or as much as I could. But above all I have learned a lot about femininity. The strength of women is brutal. We are very powerful animals and very connected to nature. It is wonderful to remember this every day.