Sílvia: "Watching content about self-harm made me feel like I wasn't crazy, that there were people like me."
Teenager
BarcelonaSilvia (not her real name) is 16 years old. When she was 13, she spent eight and a half months in one of Amalgama7's centers, after having attempted suicide several times and engaging in self-harm. Today, she bravely shares her testimony and exposes the influence that screens had on her case.
At what age did you get your first cell phone?
— I didn't have one until I was eleven, and I actually had to steal my grandmother's because my parents wouldn't give me one. Then I started using screens and social media, which at first was just Instagram and TikTok.
If you're under 14, you're not allowed in, in theory...
— Yes, but it's very easy to get around the limitation: just say you're a different age.
What were you looking for on these networks?
— I liked to do dances. The whole class did TikToks, so I started doing it too. At first it was just because I liked dancing and all, but then I guess I wanted to go viral.
Do you still have social media accounts?
— Yes, and now I have more networks. I'm still on Instagram and TikTok, but I also have Twitter, which is now called X, and it's actually a more dangerous network.
Because?
— There are restrictions on Instagram and TikTok and you can't post content. On Twitter, you can post anything you can imagine.
Have you seen things that have hurt you?
— Of course. I've seen a lot of things I shouldn't have seen.
How now?
— Once, I saw a video on Twitter of someone self-harming. And it affected me because I had just recently been discharged for this reason. I spent eight and a half months in Can Ros because I was depressed, self-harmed, and had attempted suicide.
Did your relationship with screens have anything to do with it?
— Not at first. It all started because they made me bullying at school, but then those same people would send me nasty comments on social media as well, and the bullying continued. I don't really remember how it started, the self-harm, but I do remember seeing a lot of people posting things about self-harm on TikTok, and I realized that other people were doing it too, not just me.
Did it make you feel good, paradoxically, to see these posts?
— Yes, yes. It made me feel like I wasn't crazy, that there were people who felt the same way and had gotten into those situations.
Do you think watching this content pushed you to self-harm?
— Yes. On networks like Instagram or TikTok, you don't post a video of the self-harm, but rather a depressing text, and in the comments, you read a lot of people who see themselves represented in it. And maybe this has a big influence, because you think: "If so many people do it, why not me?"
The Spanish government wants to legally ban children under 16 from using social media. Do you think this will help?
— Kids are very smart. We know how to get in, of course. In any case, I think it's not so much about age as maturity. There are 15-year-olds who can be more mature than older ones. You should use your cell phone properly, and it shouldn't control you. You're the human being, and you shouldn't let the object control you.
If you had a 14-year-old sister who wanted to join a social network...
— I would advise them not to go there, but I knew they would end up doing it, because that's what everyone does. Maybe they should see what reality is like. And the reality is that most things on social media are very fake.
And if we could sit an Instagram or TikTok executive in front of you, what would you ask them?
— Well, more controls, because all too often the bots that detect problematic content don't do it properly and things slip through the net. I myself have reported many disparaging comments about the app not having filtered, because there are ways to bypass these controls, by changing a letter, for example.
Is there a romantic view of self-harm?
— Yes, it also happens with eating disorders, which are highly romanticized. Or bodies are judged by their appearance, when they're perfectly healthy.
Social media promotes an unrealistic and unattainable beauty ideal. Has it affected your self-esteem?
— Yes, when I'm taking photos, I can't help but start looking and thinking, "My belly looks a little bigger here," and things like that. I'm imagining them all by myself, while someone else is imagining theirs, and so on.
Thank you for your story, and congratulations on being able to tell it.
— I still have a lot of work to do, because that never changes. I'll always have that "What if...?" feeling, but what I have to do is hang on and enjoy it. Think of life as short as two days.
And what do you enjoy now?
— Well, being with my friends, with my animals and with my boyfriend.
In that order? He'll get mad at you, the boy!
— [Laughs]. What I mean is, I enjoy it much more than social media. You have to enjoy reality more. I think about all the trips I can take, the people I can meet... And preparing to study veterinary medicine.
