"The participants of 'The Big Date' got so involved that they needed an anchor to return to"

BarcelonaThe search for love can take many forms. It can be done traditionally, through apps, or also, through a television program like as is La gran cita, the dating from 3Cat. The new format from the public television has innovated by introducing artificial intelligence into the equation to find a partner, but not only that: it is the first reality show in the State to feature the participation of two intimacy coordinators, a figure increasingly common in film and series but not at all present in reality television spaces. Aida de Sàgarra, along with Tatiana Barrero, have contributed their experience as intimacy coordinators to La gran cita. "In this type of realities it is super necessary and essential to protect the emotional intimacy of the participants," explains De Sàgarra.

The main difference between a fiction format and a reality television format is that in one everything is scripted and, therefore, intimacy coordinators work from the scenes that are proposed, while in the other the basis is spontaneous situations and reactions. The work of an intimacy coordinator on a show like La gran cita is different from that of, for example, the team of psychologists who are also part of the team. What is the objective of intimacy coordination in a reality show? "To achieve that the participants, when the last episode is broadcast, when the journey they have taken is closed, say: 'Yes, this is me. What I see is coherent with my experience and with who I am, with my values, with my person, with my experiences'," she points out. The program has become one of the great successes of 3Cat and, according to the corporation's data, has achieved nearly one million reproductions in less than three weeks. On the day the final two episodes premiered, it reached a peak of over 120,000 reproductions in a single day.

The 'reality' bubble

In the first season of La gran cita there have been participants crying inconsolably, not entirely reciprocated loves, and also debates about the type of relationship they wanted to build with a future partner. "A reality show generates a bubble where everything accelerates. Here we had people who were truly opening themselves up to love, which is one of the most unsettling things for intimacy. It makes you question everything, stirs everything up, turns your schemes upside down, dismantles your rigidities, things that are very intimate. The participants got so involved, they lived it so generously, that they obviously needed an anchor to return to," she reflects. This anchor was the coordinators.

De Sàgarra recalls that during filming she was with "a thousand eyes," paying attention above all to non-verbal language, an essential aspect in a reality show because there is no script. "You have to be very aware of reactions, even when not filming," she details. The intimacy coordinator confesses that there were participants who were overwhelmed by emotions and experiences because the pace of the program made it difficult for them to assimilate them. "We started to notice this slight dissociation that occurred with people who were very overcome by the situation. People who started to disconnect, people with anxiety. Very logical and very normal," recalls the coordinator, who assures that her name and that of her colleague were among the most pronounced during the filming of the program. In this regard, one of the moments when they had the most work was in one of the most important stages of the program: when the organization reveals to the participants their compatibility according to artificial intelligence with the partner they have chosen.

Exercises and breathing

When participants turned to the two professionals, they helped them regain their composure through different techniques, from meditations to breathing exercises, bodywork, or therapeutic coaching. In no case did they offer opinions or intervene in the decisions they made. Another aspect of the work that the coordinators have done has been managing the participants' exposure. That is, if someone did not feel comfortable with something that had been recorded or had doubts about how it would be used, they acted as intermediaries with the program's direction. Eliminating the anxiety that this situation could produce "facilitated them to be able to relax and be themselves".

De Sàgarra admits that, just as there are actors who do not feel comfortable or do not collaborate with intimacy coordinators, there have also been participants in La gran cita who have not turned to them much. "There were participants who did not approach us, even participants who arrived as a couple and in the final stages. Simply, what they did was accept that, from time to time, we would go and check how they were. It's okay, it's fine. We kept our eyes wide open," she says.

Regarding the possibility of incorporating intimacy coordinators as regular figures in reality shows, she is very much in favor, although she assures that there are formats, such as the 24-hour living arrangements, in which fitting them in can be more difficult. However, she emphasizes that it would be quite necessary to avoid situations of abuse, such as the one that took place in Gran Hermano in 2017.

While the incorporation of these figures into realities is not yet common, in fiction they are increasingly recognized and the myth that their presence on set detracts from spontaneity is being broken. De Sàgarra argues that, in fact, it is quite the opposite. "I would say it is impossible for more secure, more coherent, and more connected people to translate into less spontaneity," she says. Furthermore, she is clear about the aura that accompanies sex scenes: "Filming a sex scene has very little titillation. It is more of a very generous exercise on the part of the actors, who strip themselves emotionally and show themselves vulnerable in front of their partner and, then, in front of the whole audience. So, titillating? No, zero".