Sexual fantasies: what do they say about us?

Sexual fantasies arouse a lot of curiosity, but also a lot of guilt. There are people who are scared by what they imagine or wonder what that says about them. But perhaps the first thing to understand is that fantasizing is not the same as desiring. We can fantasize about a specific situation and have no real interest in putting it into practice. Fantasy is not a contract with reality, nor does it necessarily mask an unconscious desire for a philia or a trauma. Sorry, psychoanalysis.

In fact, fantasizing is a deeply human capacity and a great fuel for the most important erotic organ we have: the brain. Desire is born not only from physical contact, but also from imagination, anticipation, mental play, and everything we build in our heads.

Therefore, our capacity for fantasy often says more than the specific content of the fantasy. Some people have many different fantasies, while others connect little with this imaginative world. And this can indeed influence how we experience desire, arousal, or sexual creativity.

It is also interesting to think about how our relationship with fantasy has changed. Pornography, constant screen consumption, and immediacy have led many people to stop imagining because they already have everything visually represented; it's all much lazier. We get used to receiving external stimuli and lose practice in creating them ourselves.

And, on the other hand, fantasizing can be a very powerful tool for reconnecting with desire. That's why it's worth reclaiming this mental space, without judgment or demands. And if we find it difficult, a good entry point can be erotic novels, which force us to imagine, complete, and actively participate in the story.