Men, dare to be vulnerable in bed

If there's one thing I'm sure of in this life, it's that machismo doesn't just harm women. It also greatly harms men. And it's a reality I often see in my practice.

Many experience sex as if it were an exam. I have to have a perfect erection. I have to last a long time. I have to be a stud. I have to make the other person enjoy it at all costs. But let's be honest: who enjoys an exam?

The most curious thing is that this pressure often doesn't even come from women, but from masculinity models themselves. Among men, the idea has been transmitted that sexual value depends on performance, and it's a very heavy backpack.

Focusing on the heterosexual sphere, I'll tell you something: a woman won't enjoy it more because you have a harder erection, last longer, or penetrate with more force. In fact, we increasingly know that female pleasure has much more to do with connection, communication, and desire than with performance.

This doesn't mean that women don't suffer other impositions in bed. But men are also victims of this model, which forces you to constantly prove that you are man enough.

Perhaps that's why right now what seems sexiest is vulnerability. Look at today's internet boyfriends: Pedro Pascal, Tom Holland, Paul Mescal, and Héctor Bellerín; beyond their looks, they connect because they project a masculinity that dares to be emotional, show fragility, and moves away from the role of the invulnerable male.

In bed, the exact same thing happens. Vulnerability creates intimacy. And if the person accompanying you doesn't know how to embrace it, or if she's the one putting that pressure on you, then perhaps it's not worth it, right?