Having less sex than one should: real problem or invention?

In sexuality, normality does not exist. And, furthermore, people lie quite a bit about what they do and don't do in bed: we come from a historically taboo subject that, at the same time, confers a certain status. Saying you have a lot of sex continues to be a strong selling point. Many times this creates "what's expected" to be a kind of "collective mirage" created from lies and exaggerations.

This leads many couples to live worried about whether they are below an average that, in reality, no one has very clear. What does it mean to "have little sex"? Compared to whom? Even studies are biased by this great collective mirage.

In consultation, it is not uncommon to hear couples say that they "have a problem" because they have sex once a month. But when you scratch the surface a little, you discover that both partners are comfortable with this frequency, and that it is not unusual at all. The discomfort does not come from within, it comes from outside. From the idea that this "is not enough".

And here it is worth pausing: if what you have is consensual, makes you feel good, and there is satisfaction... where exactly is the problem?

Perhaps your friends say they have an incredible sex life. Perhaps you do too, even if it's once a month – or once a year. Because in sexuality, the key is not the quantity, but the quality and the meaning it has for you.

So perhaps the challenge is not to have more sex, but to dismantle the idea that there is a correct number. Because "what's expected" does not exist. And living trying to reach it can indeed end up being a real problem.