Deconstructing romantic love: love cannot do everything

I hope I don't ruin anyone's day with this statement, but no, love can't do it all.

They have sold us this Disney love where simply loving each other was enough. Because if the person is "the person," everything will work out. And, even more so, we will have to endure as long as necessary because we love each other.

But reality is a bit more complex. Obviously, love is a very powerful force that drives us to care, to build, and to commit. But it's not a supernatural force that is above all things. Especially when those things are as big as distance, forgiveness, disappointment, incompatibility of values, differences in relational models, how we understand coexistence, lifestyles, future projects, or a long etcetera.

Because loving someone doesn't necessarily mean moving forward on the same path with that person. We can deeply love someone and, at the same time, realize that we want different things. We can love each other and have incompatible life rhythms. We can love each other and not share the same goals. We can love each other, but know that that person isn't what we want or need. And recognizing this doesn't make that relationship a failure.

In fact, one of the most painful – and at the same time most liberating – ideas we can learn is that love, on its own, does not sustain a relationship. In addition to love, we need agreements, communication, admiration, compatibility, a willingness to build together, and, above all, a shared direction.

And understanding this is also a mature way of understanding love: not as a magic that solves everything, but as an important – but not the only – part of what makes a relationship work. Because love is a necessary condition for a relationship, but not a sufficient condition.