Julieta París: "We'll miss the mess and noise the kids make now."

BarcelonaI often tell myself, "Everything passes." It helps me to remember that nothing lasts forever, neither the good nor the bad. I try to let the bad things take up less of my time, and I live the good things fully. I also realize that many of the things that worry or bother me now are the same things I'll miss later on.

Like now?

— I've heard people complain about the mess their children make at home, the constant noise they create, and then one day those same people lament the silence that remains when their children leave. That's why, when something overwhelms me, I think that one day I'll miss it.

When have you missed your child most intensely?

— I separated from my husband when my son was seven. A few months after the divorce, the world stopped because of the pandemic. I've never considered the separation a failure, but being separated from my son in a shared custody arrangement is very difficult. Missing some moments of his growth, feeling like I wasn't present half the time, was a huge absence.

And have you been able to do anything about that feeling?

— I've worked on this by being very present when I'm with my son, and also by trying to maintain a close relationship with his father, because the breakup of a couple doesn't mean the family has to break up. Becoming aware of this has been a great form of therapy, which I've done and continue to do.

What fascinates you about your child right now?

— He's a sensitive and mischievous kid at the same time. Very intelligent and sociable. He was born in December, which makes him stand out from his classmates. I'm fascinated by how he's become a kind of explorer of his own adolescence, of the physical, emotional, and social changes it entails. How aware he is of the childhood he's leaving behind and that will never return.

And what worries you?

— I observe his first disappointments. I think about how he responds to injustice, what he considers fair on a personal and social level. I'm very concerned about bullying and how it's handled in schools. I also see that we have overstimulated children, with access to everything right now. That's why I also try to make sure that, from time to time, my son is bored.

How are you dealing with adolescence?

— So far, everything is going very well, although I know that one night Diego will go to sleep a child and the next day he'll wake up a man. The truth is, no one has ever told me that adolescence was the best time of their life. So, in my son's case, I only aspire to accompany and guide him as I have been doing until now, respecting things that until now I didn't need to respect: his time, his space, his rhythms.

And what do you think will help you understand a teenager?

— I think it helps a lot to try to connect with the person I was at his age. If my son is thirteen, what did I need when I was thirteen? What bothered me when I was his age? What were my relationships with friends like? We have to understand that, for our son, adolescence is uncharted territory, but one that we, as mothers and fathers, have already experienced, so it's necessary to revisit what we know. And I think what I'm saying applies to all the stages of our own development that we've consciously lived through.

In what aspects of your child's life do you feel you should be especially present?

— In their silences.

What a great answer.

— I want to observe his silences. I want him to know I'm there. At his pace, but that I'm always there. I try to be present whenever we're together. I try to anticipate everything he might need. I think this is what gives people security.

Safety, tranquility, happiness...

— We must search as much as possible for what we call happinessAlthough, at this point in our lives, we all know that happiness isn't a constant state, but rather a series of happy moments. I believe that contentment brings us peace and serenity. It's clear we all have a thousand worries, but the best place from which to raise children is one of serenity. As I say in the book's acknowledgments, their smile is my mission.