Biel Cussó: "They determined we weren't suitable for adoption because we were traumatized by not being able to have biological children."

BarcelonaMy children are two little miracles, and to believe in miracles, you have to be devout. Well, maybe all sons and daughters are, but let me say that mine are a little more devout than usual.

Explain it to me.

— Both my partner, Laia, and I were clear that we wanted to be parents young, but when we got down to it, things didn't work out, and some doctors ended up telling us we couldn't have children. As if that weren't enough, at 27, we began the adoption process, which was ultimately denied. A psychologist determined we weren't suitable because we were traumatized by not having been able to have biological children.

But she did end up having children...

— Yes, it couldn't be more biological. Obviously, you don't need something like this to happen to you to feel devotion to your children. But, whatever the case, feeling devotion to your children should be a must. If it isn't, I understand something isn't working. This doesn't prevent arguments or tense moments, especially during adolescence. In the end, raising a child is all about that: being devoted, setting limits, supporting, and loving. It also requires a lot of patience, and we should allow ourselves to make mistakes from time to time.

In From heaven to hell You describe the fear that early parents often suffer.

— When my children were little, the fears we had were the usual ones: oh, the child doesn't get hurt, oh, the child is sick, I hope nothing happens to them... But above all, there's that savage fear that nothing will happen to you and that the child will be left alone in the world. It's the worst part of parenthood. Now, the fear is more related to the world our children will encounter when they grow up and how they'll fit in. In any case, we always try to take things one step at a time, and now it's time for them to try to be as happy as possible without undue worry.

And how is your way of being a father evolving?

— When children are young, they should feel loved and cared for. As they grow older, we must free them from the prison of meeting their every need. Each stage requires different care, and we've adapted as best we can. We all learn together, and this is beautiful. We evolve, but the foundation is always the same: love, respect, liberate. And play. The natural evolution must lead children to leave the nest, and this may be my fear for the future. Fear and pride at the same time. That's how contradictory parenting is.

A value that you consider essential.

— At home, we're very insistent on instilling a culture of hard work, but I don't know if we're successful. They're both lucky that, in general, everything comes easily to them, and they don't need to spend a lot of time understanding and memorizing things. We still have work to do. We must find a way to make them understand the importance of perseverance and effort.

What is heavy?

— The daily routine of planning menus, lunches and dinners, and loading and unloading the laundry. Housework is the most complicated part of managing with your children. And our biggest mistake, because their involvement is on the low side.

What do you pay special attention to?

— We're now going through a stage where we need to dedicate more time to listening to them—when they're open to telling us things—and supporting them in their future plans or concerns. This part is very gratifying.

What amazes you?

— The devotion they feel for each other. Despite the age difference, they play very well together. They also argue often. But there's a lot of complicity. I think the six years they've been together are one of the secrets to their good relationship.

Tell me a scary anecdote.

— When they were 8 and 2 years old, we visited the IKEA in Hospitalet. We wandered through the kitchens and dining rooms and sat down in the restaurant. Suddenly, the little boy had disappeared. We couldn't find him, so we called, and a security protocol was activated and the doors were closed until the little boy reappeared. All he had done was retrace his steps to find a toy he'd seen. Looking back now makes us laugh, but that day we experienced twenty traumatic minutes during which no one could enter or leave the store.