Tell me how you are and I will tell you how you cry

BarcelonaIf one thing is clear, it is that parenting is not a simple task. How many times have we promised ourselves that we would not do something as parents and have ended up falling into it headlong? Or quite the opposite, how many times did we have the path we wanted to follow clear, but the situations or challenges we have encountered have forced us to deviate? Be that as it may, Leire Vázquez, a specialist in clinical psychology at the Sant Joan de Déu Hospital in Barcelona, ​​makes it clear that the role of parents is key to fostering the skills that are important for children when they are adults.

Surely many parents would sign up for their children to be happy, resilient, empathetic, respectful, have tools to manage the problems that arise throughout their lives, or have a good social network. But all these skills, Vázquez recalls, are built day by day from the difficulties of parenting and the type of fatherhood or motherhood that is exercised.

Starting from this premise, how should children be accompanied to promote their emotional well-being during childhood? American psychologist Diana Baumrind, along with other authors, Vázquez explains, has defined four styles of fatherhood or motherhood and their effect on emotional well-being.

Authoritarian

They are parents who set limits and exert excessive control. It is a style characterized by scarce communication between parents and children, and low participation of minors regarding coexistence rules. This type of upbringing, clarifies the psychologist from Sant Joan de Déu Hospital, fosters low self-esteem and excessive obedience, which are aspects that do not favor emotional well-being. On the other hand, in a structured environment, setting limits generates a sense of security and, from this perspective, can become a positive factor in the development of children.

Permissive

When parents focus on being excessively warm with the desire to put the child at the center, but, on the other hand, without setting limits or supervising. According to Vázquez, it is a style that can foster feelings of belonging and better self-esteem and, therefore, emotional well-being. But it also has its downside: the lack of limits and supervision causes insecurity, little containment of children, and does not offer experiences where minors can learn to tolerate frustration.

Negligent

When parents do not exercise any type of control or monitoring of their children, which ends up generating a feeling of rejection and lack of protection. It is a style that clearly does not promote emotional well-being.  

Democratic

These are families that set limits and supervise minors with warmth and affection. This, according to the expert from the Sant Joan de Déu Hospital, is the style par excellence that is related to emotional well-being, as it creates structure, but, at the same time, fosters communication and warm bonds with children, increases the feeling of belonging, and makes minors participate in decisions, makes them feel useful, and empowers them.