Lirios Bou: "One of the things that I consider most dangerous in raising children is the excess of information"

My life today is a little more difficult than six years ago, but much fuller. My life partner, Pau Valls, is also an illustrator and comic book author. Both of us, freelancers. Both of us, creatives. You can imagine the pressure that often accompanies us due to economic uncertainty. But, despite this, there is not a single day that we do not feel immensely fortunate.

Tell me about a normal day.

— One of the two takes them to school at 9, while the other walks Blai, our dog. We work until 2:00 PM, both at home, we go to pick them up and the four of us have lunch together. If the volume of work is high, we scratch out a couple more hours after lunch or after dinner, but we try to reserve most of the afternoon to be with them or do household chores. The most difficult part of working while they are at home is the constant interruptions, managing the fights or working while listening for the umpteenth time to the song from the movie Moana. I would be lying if I told you that I never lose my patience, but when they are already asleep and I take stock, I feel very lucky again.

When the little one was born, the older one was three years old.

— And she had difficulties managing it. Tantrums multiplied, we had regressions of all kinds, jealousy hurt her a lot, but she was so little that she did not understand what was happening to her. Furthermore, it was also hard for me.

In what sense?

— I had the feeling of having missed out on the good things about Neus as a baby because I had to attend to the needs of a Jana who was perhaps too little to become a big sister. It must not be easy to understand that you have to share your mummy and daddy with another little person. Moments of jealousy have always been present.

And now, what is the relationship between the two?

— Now things have changed. Now I think they have the perfect age gap. Jana is already old enough to help Neus do many things, but small enough to share games, stories, dances, and songs with her. They love each other very much.

What amazes you when you see them together?

— I love hearing them laugh, play, hug, kiss. But what fascinates me most is seeing how Jana acts as a teacher to Neus without realizing it. Jana is a calm, observant, diligent girl, who often finds refuge in reading and who always manages to get Neus, despite being more energetic and chaotic, to end up picking up a book and enjoying moments of calm. In fact, on more than one occasion, Jana has been the only one capable of soothing Neus's crying.

What are you having trouble with?

— There are only two things we haven't managed to achieve since we became parents: keeping the house clean and tidy and finding the time to go out and exercise.

What do you tell yourself when you can't take it anymore?

— I have a group of friends and we give each other advice in four words: "Friend, embrace the chaos. The world does not end because you have the house full of toys on the floor, because you order a pizza when you don't have time to make dinner or because you skip a day of showering".

What's bothering you?

— One of the things I consider most dangerous in parenting is not a piece of advice, but a situation that I believe the vast majority of millennial mothers are living: the excess of information and the consequent self-demand. The bombardment of alarmist messages has led us to be more worried about doing everything perfectly than about enjoying our sons and daughters.

Did you get very stressed being a first-time mother?

— A lot. I still remember my stress about offering a mega-healthy diet, keeping screens completely away, buying the softest shoes on the market, setting limits in a super-respectful way. Phew! That was unsustainable. Luckily, for a few years now, I allow myself the luxury of being an imperfect mother.

Tell me something that made you laugh.

— Neus lets out a burp while eating and her response to our stares is: "Look, a robot, like Wall-E". We still haven't managed to make her understand that a burp and a robot are two different things.

Oh. Are they?

— Let me tell you another one about Jana. One day I was complaining about a backache and she comes up and says: "Mom, it's just a backache, that heals. Not like dying, which lasts the whole week".