"Weekends affected me a lot because I kept seeing parents."

BarcelonaThere are painful questions that only those who have experienced the death of a partner can answer. Which side of the bed should the surviving partner sleep on? When should you throw away the toothbrush of the one who has passed away? How do you set the table when there are no longer four of you, but three? Tessa Harry and Montse Clotet's partners, Josh and Aleix, died seven years ago, when Tessa was 30 and Montse was 42. They met in a bereavement support group a few months after their respective losses. Both had a strong and supportive network around them, and yet they felt profoundly alone. "There are situations that are difficult to understand if you haven't experienced them. Grief is very lonely, and everyone has their own way of coping," Clotet points out. The bond they forged helped them move forward and connect in a special way. "We would send each other a song, or a picture of a book we were reading. That was all it took; we already knew what we were saying to each other," says Harry.

They experienced this mutual support as a gift and a blessing, and, aware that not everyone finds it, they wanted to create a space to share it. Together they opened an Instagram account (@clubdelasviudas) and built a community that now has more than 10,000 followers. They also began writing a book—which they hope to publish soon—about how loss impacts the daily lives of widows. Based on these texts, the company La Conquista del Polo Sur has created a performance that highlights grief from its most everyday perspective. The play is titled Floating objects (after the storm) It premieres on January 21st at the Akademia Theatre in Barcelona, ​​where it will run until February 15th. The cast includes Elena Gadel, Anna Sahun, and Ariadna Montfort.

Clotet and Harry's writings share common elements, and each explains how she experienced the process. For example, Fridays. "Everyone's lives go on; yours too. Then Fridays arrive, and everyone is happy. I was thinking, 'Let it rain!' Weekends affected me a lot because that's when there are more family activities, and I was constantly seeing my parents. Poor things, they weren't to blame at all," Clotet recounts. Another topic they address is their relationship with work. "Some people want to go back to work immediately to disconnect; others can't," says Harry. She needed a few months before returning, but to get that time, she had to take sick leave. "They labeled the leave as depression, even though I didn't have it. I was sad, but I also laughed. This happens with grief: you connect with death and, at the same time, with life," Harry points out, adding that after a death, "you have to build a different map of your life."

Overwhelming texts

Director and playwright Carlos Fernández Giua knew Aleix, Montse's partner, from his university days and experienced his loss firsthand. Some time later, Montse asked him for advice on the texts she was writing, and he was astonished. "I had them on hold, on hold, on hold, until one day I opened the file, read two pages, and couldn't go on," the director says. With La Conquesta del Pol Sud, they have specialized in documentary theater performances based on testimonies, some of which have also been staged. Claudia (2017) spoke of historical memory and stolen identity, and in Raphaëlle (2019) addressed transsexuality.

Harry and Clotet don't appear on stage, although they have been active participants in the creation, which also involved Irene Vicente Salas in the dramaturgy. "The show deals with the idea of emptiness, of home, of a series of situations that you don't consider until you find yourself in them," Fernández points out. The task of staging the emotions has fallen to the dancer and choreographer Ariadna Montfort. "She created the movement from the texts, and some very beautiful scenes have emerged. She embodies everything that isn't expressed in words," the director emphasizes. Despite the harshness of the losses, Floating objects They seek light in grief because that is Harry and Clotet's ultimate intention with the community they have created. "We assert that widows also dance and laugh, and yet, you never get over it," Clotet explains. "You assimilate it, and it becomes part of the person you are now. If we forgot about the people who die, what would be the point of living?"