Samantha Hudson: "My grandmother likes Jesus Christ as much as she likes her transvestite clean."

BarcelonaMuse of Generation Z. Internet celebrity with 362,000 Instagram followers. Trans activist. Musician and performerPodcaster at BombifiedSharp tongue and looks Impossible. Samantha Hudson will present the album Music for Dolls at the Razzmatazz venue in Barcelona on November 8th, with Hadas as the opening act. This new album showcases the two sides that have made him a leading figure in the industry. queer: the raw, frenzied energy of electronic music and the wisdom of political awareness. Above the stiletto heels rises a brilliant mind.

You're 26 years old, but it's been ten years since you released your first single, FagotWhen you look back, what do you feel? Do you notice the speed, the abyss, the pride of where you've come?

— All of these things. Pride, because I've lived through some very difficult times for a teenage girl. Just think, my first single already cost me excommunication; they collected signatures to have me disciplined and expelled from school. The truth is, things could have gone very wrong, but all things considered, I think I've done great. Music for Dolls It's a kind of very sentimental personal diary that reflects on identity, on fear, on feeling lost, and it's precisely because I look back and realize that perhaps I wasn't prepared for all these situations. I feel dizzy when I think about it.

The public has watched you grow up live. How has this more massive exposure influenced your personal, professional, and even physical development?

— It hasn't affected me much because I've had this exposure because I've always been honest and authentic. I come fromunderground More sovereign, from singing in awful dives, sometimes without a microphone, sometimes without a stage, but I kept releasing my songs and working on my project. The attention has come to me as Samanta. And I can boast of having a fantastic audience: the people who follow me trust my vision and connect with my message; it's not frivolous or superficial attention.

Are their concerts a space outside of the virtual world for dissident communities to meet?

— The concert audience is very diverse, ranging from a mother who has come with her underage trans daughter to a grandmother with her grandson mariquitulioA group of lesbians, gay men in their thirties, and a heterosexual couple who have suddenly found themselves with the gates of hell wide open and are enjoying it immensely. It's such a cool and fulfilling mix that, when I'm on stage, I feel complete because it's like looking the future straight in the eye.

You sell music, but your media presence is as an activist queer The trans icon and the trans symbol take up a lot of space. Do you get the feeling that they overshadow each other or that they complement each other?

— I've always conceived of my artistic work as a whole. My life is my work, and my work is my life. It's true that these days, many media outlets ask me about current political events more than about the album itself, because I'm someone who gets involved and I want to answer truthfully. That's the way it is, and you have to know how to use it to your advantage. I have a platform to talk about things that aren't being discussed in some media outlets, formats, or sectors, and I want to use it to offer a critical perspective on reality.

This critique is evident on the album. Nine tracks of upbeat electronic music, but deeply political in their lyrics. Starting with the title, Music for DollsWho are the dolls?

— JetsDolls, is a term that arose in the culture ballroom From the 1980s, it was used to refer to racialized transgender women who had undergone extensive plastic surgery. Later, it became an umbrella term to define trans people, which is the target that I address with this album, although it's very universal. I wanted to make music from a doll for her dolls, from a dissident for other dissidents. It's a kind of personal diary that narrates the experiences of a trans person pursuing their dreams in a big city, which is my life and the lives of my friends and so many other people in the community. Yes, it has a political component. Doll It was a really cool metaphor, because that dichotomy exists...

Depending on how it is read doll It can be very sexist...

— Exactly, it's the object onto which we've projected gender roles and stereotypes surrounding femininity. But it's also been an object onto which trans people have projected their gender roles and stereotypes. queeThey projected their life's dream because they saw themselves reflected in it, while the world repressed their femininity. There are many people in the community who couldn't play with dolls and couldn't wear feminine clothing. While for some women femininity was an imposition, for others it was a conquest.

How do you relate to that femininity?

— My journey with respect to gender has always been very natural, very organic, allowing me to play and experiment with my expression without limits, even defying my school, my family, who have always been very supportive But there were things they didn't understand. From a young age, I lived with this dilemma: maybe they'll understand me, but maybe they won't. I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, and it's been that way all these years: if I was a sissy, I was a sissy; if I was a non-binary person, I felt that way; if I wanted to wear fishnet stockings and smear my face like a monster, I did. I've always understood that metamorphosis, change, is the only truth about being human, and that if we understand that we are multifaceted beings, it's understandable that we play with different facets.

Appearances in mainstream media, such as Masterchef On TVE, or in other programs as an interviewee, do you see it as a place to conquer for gender dissidence? Because it will also be a space of discomfort.

— For me, existence is generally a space of discomfort. The world baffles me. I don't understand the sky, I don't understand space, I don't understand the beauty of a flower... Everything seems so strange to me that I've learned to thrive within that discomfort. Television is for entertainment, for promotion, and because I feel there are narratives that our own people already know. My friends, the collective, we can debate and reinforce ideas, but we already know these concepts. Go to Pasapalabra And knowing that my grandmother Margarita is watching me, my mother is watching me, and the mothers who tell me they understand their daughter's gender better. This reinforces the idea that I'm not here in vain, that my being there isn't frivolous. It's important to conquer these spaces. mainstream and to be an ambassador of the margins in regulation.

The album begins with Liturgy and how Something very strangeYou mention religiosity. Sometimes you even wear crosses. Why? Do you think there's a growing interest in the Catholic religion among young people? I think about the new album of Rosalía but also in the film Sundays, by Alauda Ruiz de Azúa.

— When I was little, I was very Catholic. Although my family is completely secular, I liked religious faith and Christian iconography. The dominant religion, which has been imposed on us, is part of our cultural heritage and belongs to all of them. So many traditions are permeated by this iconography, so why not play with it? And, above all, why shouldn't it be heretical? Why not allow sacrilege? Why not allow blasphemy? For me, it has never been a question of perverting symbols, but of using them to express my own worldview, not just to reproduce the same old violence or to uphold the same established order. My critique of Fagot It was towards the Catholic institution, but religious faith or having an interest in spirituality doesn't seem wrong to me.

Don't you think it's backwards?

— No. Conservatism is dangerous. Reactionary positions, reaffirming established roles—a traditional woman, a traditional man, the traditional family, monogamous, heteropatriarchal, cisgender concepts—repel me. But I go back to my grandmother Margarita, who loves me very much and has never questioned me, and yet she loves going to church, she loves the saints. If you love Jesus Christ as much as your trans cleanser, that's great. I won't contradict her, I won't tell her what she needs to hear. Perhaps there's an interest in spirituality because there's a massive loss of meaning. There's a very lost generation that struggles to find a reason for existing, an identity—because of precariousness, because of the political context we're living in, because of an uncertain future, a reactionary wave—and when you don't have a sense of purpose, you always resort to the most categorical one.

Yes. Unchangeable truths.

— As long as it's not a dogmatic truth or doesn't perpetuate the same old violence, I think it's great that you're trying to figure out who God is, what energy is, what spirituality means to you, that you're giving yourself that space. Because spirituality has always been that contemplative space, a place for reflection and questioning how things work. In such a fast-paced, accelerated world, where there are so many stimuli that nothing makes sense anymore, perhaps there's a generation very interested in spirituality precisely because it gives meaning to the experience of being alive. It's true that it's dangerous. But I don't think the "monkey" aesthetic is any more dangerous than hypersexualization. Because let's not forget that patriarchy wants us chaste, virginal, and devout, but it also wants us to be sluts and naked. This misogynistic double standard for viewing femininity exists on both sides. When you make an artistic proposal, you have to know who you are, who your audience is, and what your context is. I don't want to anticipate the criticism of Rosalía. I think it's very enriching that there's a debate.

In Dysphoria and in I don't know who I am You address doubts about identity. How do you cope with having to think and explain all the time?

— The fact is always seen queer Like a monster, and monsters live apart from society. Therefore, the monster sees everything from the outside, which allows it to be aware of societal structures and ask very insightful questions, but at the same time, it's forced to forge its own path alone, and that's terrifying. When you're a child who doubts who you are, what your identity, your gender, will be, you're searching for the answer to a question you don't yet know the answer to. My position is that truth lies in uncertainty, and virtue lies in balance. Often, it's not about finding an answer but about finding new questions that force you to see life from a different perspective. My gender is that confusion, that perpetual enigma, that indeterminacy; it's a questioning. It's true that it's exhausting, but I couldn't be a girl who dresses in beige, wants to have children, and get married in a church either. That's not my role. Some people are happy with this, and that's fantastic too.

In Something very strange You describe the feeling of not being accepted. Do you still feel that way sometimes?

— I would say no, and it's an achievement I'm very proud of. Especially in my own circle: I have wonderful friends, I have a perfect relationship with my family, and this is a privilege as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. But you always live with the idea that it might not be like that, that perhaps no one in your circle will ever fully understand who you are or what you experience. You're in a constant state of alert, and this is a subtle form of violence you're always facing. It's that feeling of being a vulnerable child, like a dwarf with a very sad aura. I also think we need to dismantle the idea that the lives of LGBTQ+ people are defined by trauma and that we are the violence we've suffered. We can't pretend it doesn't exist, because it's fundamental to fighting injustice and achieving real social change, but I think the community has also managed to build a network of care and support that is phenomenal.

It is the message of empowerment and happy hedonism of Hot, Full lace and the tuck and I don't give a damn.

— I wanted to portray all my experiences, and within that catastrophic world of transvestism, you find happiness. The song with La Zowie is pure lust, and the song with Villano Antillano is about getting completely dressed up and going out into the street to leave everyone speechless.

What are the best and worst things about being Samantha Hudson?

— Oh, my GodThe best part is being a crazy person who can metabolize all my problems and traumas into funny anecdotes. And being able to dedicate myself to what I love and make a living from it; I feel privileged. The worst part is that many times this crazy person consumes the trembling little girl who's afraid. It's love and hate. I feel very loved, but you also expose yourself to being the target of a very reactionary group. I've been hurt a lot throughout my life, but many people have also given me affection, respect, and genuine admiration that, honestly, makes me cry.