The villains of the movie

Many women are used to feeling like they're more evil than a plague. And not for killing kittens, or for embezzling public funds. No, no, no. Simply for getting on the nerves of someone who cuts in line at the bakery (she's getting angry again, what does she think she's doing!), for pointing out that it's absurd to have bikinis for girls with tops (she's stirring up trouble again, what does she think she's doing! Let's forget about it and fix things, and from now on, the person who messed up will say it (unfriendly, cruel, conceited, arrogant, insensitive, what does she think she's doing!). For asking for a vacation, a leave of absence, or sick leave, or for someone to do the grocery shopping, or for them to stop harassing us (selfish, unsupportive, dramatic, what does she think she's doing!). Or for getting a divorce or making any major life change (look, what does she think she's doing!).

It's a feeling we experience from a young age. Good girls don't question, ask, or demand things the way we did. Many of us grew up in traditional environments where obedience and discretion were fundamental for girls. But even those who have grown up in families with a more empathetic and supportive parenting style can still feel like bad people. Because a woman who raises her voice, a woman who prioritizes herself, a woman who stands up for herself in a conflict, is too often automatically interpreted as selfish and suspicious. As demanding. As a pushover. As ultimately responsible for the conflict. And if the conflict is between two women, it's even worse. A conflict between two men is a serious matter, but between two women, it's just hysterical drama. High school fights and playground brawls.

The wicked little voice

Does this mean all women are saints and always right just because they're women? No way! Please, how exhausting to be a woman and have to explain everything. No, no, no. But that feeling of being the bad guy and doubting ourselves just because we're women is what shouldn't happen. I'm all for questioning myself. When I've been in a big mess, I've been the first to analyze it to see where I might have gone wrong. And I didn't mind admitting mistakes. Hey, we're only human... But too many times that wicked little voice has kicked in, telling me I was bad for doing what I did... or for messing up! Or for continuing to ask for whatever.

When I think about it, I always come to the same conclusion: it's the guilt of being women. An inherited feeling we're unaware of. For centuries, we've been taught that being a woman is the worst fate. And it's only recently that we've more or less accepted that we can make and break things. Our collective imagination, our subconscious, still hasn't fully grasped this. What's clear is that we must get rid of this feeling somehow. Because it's unhealthy and utterly absurd. Let's shed some light on it, accepting our mistakes, but we won't back down simply because of who we are.