"Everything weighed so heavily on me that it felt like I was dying and that my life had no meaning."

Badalona"I tried to sleep, but it was impossible. I ended up feeling like a faker. I wanted to prove that I was okay, that I had everything under control. And balls! I was lost and scared. I had the feeling that since I was 14, since I started being a professional player, I had to follow a script, some unwritten rules." This is how Ricky Rubio begins to describe his experience in an interview broadcast by Évole's thing (The Sixth).

"I've stripped down like never before," the player admits, without clarifying whether he'll continue playing basketball or not. "I'd like to play basketball without being Ricky Rubio. I want to play basketball, but I can't. I'm pushing myself to see if I can do it, but every day the answer is clearer," the Catalan summarizes.

The interview emphasizes the risks of precociousness in sports. "Making your debut in professional basketball at 14 has had its consequences. You're not ready. We have to explain to the boys and girls who are just starting out the game the whole truth, not just the beauty part, but you have to take care of yourself physically," he notes. "Responsibility is being given to a child who may not be ready. It seems like to play soccer well, he has to be ready for everything. I don't know if they're training him," he warns.

The point guard analyzes where he's at. "I've missed basketball and I've enjoyed playing in an amateur league again, but I'm carrying the character around with me, and it's hard for me. I want to enjoy basketball again without anyone judging me," Rubio confesses.

"In the end, I didn't enjoy playing basketball anymore. There were no gray areas in my life, it's something I'm just starting to learn now," he argues in a conversation with the journalist. "Some locker rooms were a jungle. Some players have a dark side because, sometimes, in order to succeed, they've made you sink, but I see it, but I don't see it, but I still had it. I became a professional too soon," he admits.

"I generated a lot of headlines, but my brain wasn't ready. Behind it all was a person. I wasn't prepared to live in a cannibalistic world. I was constantly struggling. When I look back on my career, I'm not satisfied because I always think it's not enough," says Ricky.

The interview recounts some of his toughest moments. "During my third year in the NBA, I didn't have a good time. A player advised me not to show any weaknesses to the press. I learned that I couldn't show my vulnerability. I found myself in a world where everything had to be fake to succeed. I've always tried to hide my emotions. Sometimes I thought I was a failure."

Évole manages to create a climate of trust in which Rubio ends up opening up like never before. "I wanted to play in the NBA, but I don't know how conditioned I was. My dream was to play for Penya all my life. That would have allowed me not to miss so many things and perhaps I would have been happier," says the player.

Rubio has bitter memories of his time in the best league in the world. "The NBA experience was brutal, but winning or losing affected everything. I never made friends; they were just teammates. I had a hard time opening up and connecting. Plus, I didn't know how to deal with conflict. I liked them," he analyzes.

"I went to the United States to work. I never fell in love with the culture or the traditions. They've turned the NBA into a business and have sidelined the love for the game. The same thing is happening in the Euroleague. Now everything is about money. What I take away from the United States is what I wouldn't do," he admits.

Rubio jokes about the commercials he recorded and the money he earned. "What matters is how you feel. Real wealth is the peace of mind you have, not the money," he recalls.

"It's crazy to be a father and play a game two days later."

The achievements didn't calm Rubio's mind. "I was named best player of the 2019 World Cup and I felt like a fraud. For me, it wasn't enough. I experienced it through suffering," he confesses.

The elite athlete's downside hovers throughout the interview. "My dream had always been to be a father. Two days after becoming one, I left to play a game. When I think about it, it's crazy. When my mother was sick with cancer, I also had a really bad time. I didn't want to be in the United States. Luckily, I was able to be with her when she died," he explains in one of the most emotional moments.

"I dreamed about very dark things. I asked for help and decided to stop. I didn't want to continue. Not with basketball, but with life. There was a time when everything weighed so much on me that it felt like I was dying and that my life had no meaning. I was two sessions away from starting medication, but accepting it felt like a defeat," he admits. For him, it was never enough. "I felt like I had to overcome Pau Gasol's career, but I'd like to ask him if he had a good time," he confesses.