Why do we hold hands?

Are you enjoying or preparing for your vacation? The summer period is a time when humans leave our usual routine, travel to find new horizons, or take refuge in more or less familiar surroundings, far from work and, if possible, to cool off from the heat. In general, we mingle with people we don't know, on the sand of the beach, in the water of the pool, or in the middle of a street full of other tourists admiring buildings in old Europe… Be that as it may, you're sure to see people holding hands: a mother or father holding their young child's hand; two little girls holding arms while laughing; a young couple gazing into each other's eyes; and also elderly couples walking side by side. And with this small gesture, they tell each other they still love each other.

Holding hands is a gesture that carries many meanings, subtly or flagrantly different, from physical support to trust, from friendship to love, from chivalrous seduction to the most common show of welcome among strangers. But it is also a sign of company and human warmth when words fail, or are too many. When someone is going through deep grief, you take their hand and squeeze it to convey compassion and empathy. And when we are afraid, we seek the other's hand, almost unconsciously, and we give it to each other, as a sign of closeness and recognition, of shared destiny. Sometimes, giving a hand means imparting life, as in Michelangelo's image of creation in the Sistine Chapel.

How many of us have not reached out to our companion during a climactic moment in a horror or suspense scene in the cinema? Feeling a creature reach for your hand sends tingles of tenderness to the heart, and seeing two hands clasped is one of the most powerful and evocative images, which can be a film's climax or its end. We all have our favorite scenes, but if you haven't seen it or didn't notice it, I recommend watching the so-called "hand scene" from the film Pride and Prejudice, between Lizzie Bennet and Mr. Darcy, where the physical tension between them can be felt.

A communication tool

Holding hands is a door that allows us to open hearts and minds, and giving it is not a minor symbolic gesture, as we offer the main tool of physical dexterity we have, and with the large number of nerve endings, the hand is also a tool of sensitivity and communication. Humans are tactile and contact animals; we need to be touched and hugged. However, precisely because we have given it so many and such diverse meanings, we put up barriers, restrictions, and conditions to physical contact. We need to know in which situations it is allowed, and in which situations, it is not. And these conditions and limits are different in various cultures, as we all know: we Mediterranean people tend to "touch" each other more, while some Asian cultures maintain distance outside of strictly intimate settings.

But, have you asked yourselves why we shake hands? Or in other words, since when do humans shake hands? All other apes also shake hands, as well as hug, kiss, and groom each other. The most determining factor is not the act itself, but the reason, that is, at what specific moment they shake hands. The observation of great apes (chimpanzees and bonobos) in semi-freedom determines that they mainly touch each other when they are scared or there is a situation of extreme tension, for example, in an experiment where they had to compete for limited food. Furthermore, this physical contact occurs preferentially between females and between males, more than in intersexual pairs.

The mere act of touching and holding hands, even putting fingers in each other's mouths, is a clear signal of non-aggression, it reaffirms them in the attempt to find a compromise between competitiveness and cooperation. That is, it generates social bonds of compatibility and companionship, transmits security, and allows for the formation of group societies. This type of action is much more evident in groups that are not so belligerent and that manage to share more common tasks, that is, that socialize more, very likely because in this way they avoid complete dominance relationships. In fact, the most vulnerable apes are those that try to kiss or hug others more, promoting a sense of belonging and inclusion in the group.

So this behavior that seems so human to us – shaking hands, kissing, hugging – is in fact very ancestral, and we share it with our primate relatives. Shaking hands makes us less aggressive… It's hard to get angry with someone who has just hugged you!