We want this drug!

We read in the ARA that drugs like Ozempic, which suppress hunger, "have revolutionized the fight against obesity, type 2 diabetes, and fatty liver disease worldwide" because they generate a feeling of satiety by mimicking the functioning of a hormone. And it seems that now Catalan researchers—one of them, Antonio Zorzano, explains—have found "a new protein that, like these drugs, would allow obesity to be treated without modifying the patient's diet." Because it makes you burn calories!

I've never tried, nor will I ever try, Ozempic, because I imagine I'd be like the models. I wouldn't be hungry for wild boar stew, but I'd certainly be thirsty enough to drink the wonderful sparkling wine that the diligent waiters would surely serve me. And everyone knows the calories in Baccus liquid. For me to be successful on a diet, I'd have to be tied up and muzzled like Hannibal Lecter. My lambs would be silent because I'd have grilled them. The only option for my fifty best friends and me to celebrate Lent—we just did—is to stay home and watch those personal growth videos with bells and gongs, where they repeat phrases like "Detox," "Wellness," and "Take care of yourself," instead of just hanging around. Chef's table, as we usually do.

That's why I don't like dieting. I eat vegetables, meat, and fish, I drink wine, and I do everything—from parsley to Garnacha—in moderation. But I do exercise. And here I go. It's very unfair—practically sexist—that, doing the same sport, a man, just because he's a man, burns twice as many calories as a woman. It seems to me that we Catalan female athletes deserve a small dose of the drug. If they want, let them use us as rats. Just because, when we exercise with them, we expend the same calories, damn it!