Imagine for a moment that your partner decides to take photos or videos without saying anything to you, while you're at home, dressed, undressed, cooking, in the bathroom, in the shower, or even having sex. And he shares this material on a platform with other unknown users (perhaps even an acquaintance). Suddenly, one day, you find out that your image has been shared among thousands of men and that you've been turned into a sexual object, as if you've been exposed in a market. No one has asked your permission to use your image, neither your body nor yours. The person you've shared your life with for years and in whom you trusted has decided to expose you to the world through a platform filled with sexualizing and degrading comments, turning you into a kind of product or a trophy (here comes a demonstration of virility). Suddenly, you're his, and they haven't even considered you. It's a way of showing power, in a shared space, with a common language that binds you. We are facing a space of male belonging and complicity in which behaviors are reinforced, and with a common impulse that increasingly leads to the transgression of boundaries.
We have seen this violence recently following the Mia Moglie case—for six years, Mia Moglie (my wife, in Italian) was a public Facebook group in which men posted photographs of their partners without their consent—it is clearly a form of machoism. The virtual space has become an extension of patriarchy, because these platforms are not neutral spaces, but rather reflect and replicate existing power relations, creating new forms of domination and control. Unfortunately, this is not an isolated case, and those who congregate there are not men with mental disorders either. According to the UN, 73% of women have suffered some type of online violence in Europe, and many report that institutions and platforms do not respond with the necessary force.
The group dynamics of this violent masculinity end up generating an irresponsible effect (if everyone does it, I will too and nothing happens) and at the same time a disinhibiting one (they carry out macho behaviors, which alone or in their "real" life they probably would never do). And while they completely expose their partners, they hide behind the anonymity of the networks. And how does all this happen? Dehumanizing the other, shooting directly at their dignity. Objectifying them, turning them into an object over which you decide. Without taking into account even for a second the impact this will have on them, which is very high, because anonymity, massive reach and immediacy make these attacks highly damaging (and generate anxiety, depression, affectation of identity or social image and even risk of suicide).
We're talking about men socialized in machismo who feel entitled to commit crimes such as violating their partners' privacy, endorsed and reinforced by other men who also do the same.
And here's another key element in all of this: the complicity of other men, the core of the patriarchy. A masculinity that is learned on a daily basis, with collective attitudes that are tolerated and, above all, with silences that reinforce. Because keeping quiet, validating, and knowing, but not acting, reinforces. It's necessary to question hegemonic masculinity and look for alternative models. To put an end to the everyday normality that occurs, for example, in conversations between friends where they assess whether the girl you were with last night was enough. slut or not, WhatsApp groups where notes are placed on the bodies of female colleagues, sending porn clips mainstream that degrades women, taking advantage of a woman's state of intoxication to have her there sexual relations or normalizing social media ads for spy cameras that record women without their consent. All of this lowers the tolerance threshold for sexist attitudes and normalizes things that aren't normal. We need to dismantle this violent heteropatriarchal masculinity and build new models of masculinity for those men who are willing to make an active commitment, because as Bell Hooks said: "Men can love, they can stop hurting, but they won't do so if they're not willing to question masculinity."
