We've all been there: a loved one tells us they're going through a difficult time, and we feel compelled to react. Let's take a sadly common example: a friend tells us that they or a family member is seriously ill. Many, many of us, despite being genuinely affected by the news, simply write a WhatsAppHowever often we hear the phrase, once it's written down, it becomes a cliché: "I'm so sorry," "Cheer up!", "If you need anything, you know where to find me," "Everything will be alright."
We've all done it, we've all felt anxious afterward, and we've all gone back. Until one day, we go through it ourselves and realize just how banal and, sometimes, counterproductive these phrases on our phone screens can be.
How did we do it before cell phones? As we can vaguely remember, or as novels and films set in the last century or earlier tell us, people who received bad news would go to see the affected person and try to comfort them with their company and a good hug. Now we don't do that because everything has become complicated, we're always busy, and we don't usually live near the people we love. But if we think about it for a moment, we must acknowledge that the decisive factor in this change in behavior is surely that technology has accustomed us to solving everything quickly, easily, and painlessly. It's likely that technology is advancing as rapidly as our social skills are diminishing. When a friend needs support and comfort, we write "Cheer up!" on WhatsApp because we don't know how to do it any other way. Because even if we were to see them—despite the distances and time zones—we wouldn't know what to say. These phrases of condolence or support, if they accumulate in a group chat, end up losing any trace of humanity and become almost offensive to the person suffering. It's very difficult to be by the side of someone who is suffering. It makes us uncomfortable and frightens us. We often choose not to speak openly about suffering or loss, and instead try to "distract" the person who, most likely, just wants to talk about their pain and loss.
Empathy, the ability to listen, to comfort, to hug—these skills are becoming increasingly rare. Some people are born with this ability, some strive to acquire it, and others don't even realize they have it. Very often, we also do it terribly, even with the best of intentions. Oh! And you can still take it a step further into stupidity and search for the right condolence message on the ever-reliable ChatGPT.
This way of showing our support only serves one purpose: to soothe our conscience. Faced with the prospect of a long night in a hospital, reading "Everything will be alright" on your phone screen is nothing, it means nothing. At most, it simply means that the person who wrote it is thinking about the person experiencing the distressing situation. And it's sad, but we don't usually realize it until we're the ones who learn how hard and sad a night in the hospital can be.
