I'm afraid it will reflect too much on me.

SabadellChildren observe, retain, and reproduce. They look up to close adult models (their father, mother) and copy their behavior, incorporating it, making it their own. The health psychologist Silvia Noguer, director of the Nexus Institute in Sabadell and associate professor at the UAB, reminds us that imitation is not exclusively a human resource: "Children imitate us because it's the way most animal species learn. It's how we learn. We imitate the models that most resemble us."

Why do children imitate their parents?

Noguer confirms that the parent chosen as the number one role model is linked to the child's gender: simply, by resemblance. "It's typical for girls to imitate more of the things their mother does, and boys, the things their father does, but not only that. They also imitate and learn things from the other parent." And other people in the environment.

There's still one cog missing in the wheel: the reward. Another tool we adults use to shape children: "We model what our children are learning by rewarding or celebrating their small steps toward the behavior or ultimate goal we want them to achieve. We celebrate their first steps, jumps, somersaults, and then we also reinforce the improvement and quality of each of these."

Imitation is most intense in early childhood, when children are most vulnerable and least resourceful. "And it seems to disappear (but it doesn't) to become almost the opposite during adolescence, a stage in which they often want to distance themselves further from their parents in order to experiment and feel independent and autonomous."

Is it reasonable to want to set a good example for them?

Parents realize that part of their children's behavior depends on what they've seen them do. So let's be careful. "It's important," the psychologist warns, "how we say things and how we behave around them. Therefore, we must self-control and manage our dark side to give them the best assertive tools we have. And thus evolve positively, little by little, improving behavior and interactions, so important in a species as social as ours."

What if the mirror is too big?

The expert is blunt: "If a child reflects too much on us and shows dependence on our assessments or opinions, it could be that they are having difficulty finding their own resources or that adults haven't given them much room to maneuver. We should be concerned if we see this restricting their autonomy." If not, stay calm.

Is mythologizing parents positive and inevitable?

"It's good for our children to admire us and feel proud of who we are or what we do. But it's good for them to experience other ways of doing things or being, other environments, other people. This will help them see what they like best or what they find most useful, and thus they'll develop their own way of doing things, their own opinion." And she recommends: "Having more than one role model is necessary and very appropriate."

How to encourage them to have their own personality?

Silvia Noguer explains the key to raising a new person without creating a mini-game: "As parents, we may not agree with what our children do or say, but not with what they feel, which is their innermost selves; if we don't accept emotions, we don't accept who they are. What we will model is what they do with what they feel. 'Ugh, I can see you're really angry about what happened... I don't like it, though, that you use these bad words.'" And keep modeling.