How to get my child to stop interrupting me constantly

GironaAny activity is fine: reading a book, having to finish a paper for work, a phone call or a daily task like washing dishes. Whatever it is, sooner or later the unwanted moment of interruption always comes – and, according to experts, it is good that it does so. That complaint, question, demand or protest that the child makes and that disrupts the adult's intention to start and finish an action, so that, when it is repeated more than once, a constant stopping and restarting occurs. Is it possible to share space for a while without the need for the child to constantly interact with us and, nevertheless, be a present and significant figure? The answer is yes, but with nuances. Anna Romeu, clinical psychologist and specialist in emotional education, tells us.

What should we take into account?

Apart from the age of the child – because a two-year-old, who will demand a lot more from us, is not the same as a seven-year-old, who is more independent and needs to learn not to need the accompaniment of an adult as much – we must also take into account their character. "There are children who, when they are small, no longer seek you out and others, on the other hand, need the validation of an adult because they are more insecure," Romeu specifies. Children who, when older, have little tolerance for frustration and quickly get tired when something doesn't work out for them, will need more attention from an adult than those who are more persistent. Therefore, the way to help them is simply to be by their side to explain to them that, sometimes, you have to try several times to get what you want. Another factor is time. "We can't wait for them to play alone for an hour because their attention span lasts less than ours and varies from one thing to another. They will demand us to move from one game to another," says the psychologist.

How do we tell them not to interrupt us?

It's simple, but it's hard. According to the expert, the best thing to do is to tell them and give them the information about what we want and, really, what we need. Always, of course, with the right words. "We avoid expressing frustration, impatience or tiredness by blaming only the child, as if it's their fault that we can't finish a task. The best thing to do is to say: I would like to be there for you, but I have to do that thing that's important to me. I ask you for a little patience," Romeu exemplifies. A phrase that can even be memorized and rehearsed to say when necessary. "This request, apart from that, is not blaming and, instead, you are teaching them many things." The child will understand it and will surely want to collaborate with it. Life is unfair and they will have to learn. They will see that it is an obligation and that you must fulfill it. At the same time, you will send a message that your desire is to be there for them. "Let's not forget to always show how we are emotionally: angry, tired, sad or in need of calm. This also gives them a lot of information."

What will constant neglect bring?

It is not good for children, either psychologically or morally, to underestimate their needs, as Romeu says, because "it creates a feeling of abandonment." They may perceive that they are a nuisance. What they need is to be raised knowing that they are "your priority" and "the most important thing for you." If they feel abandoned, the first thing they will do is rebel and become angry. When this feeling is repetitive and continuous, then they will stop trying and the bond will be broken. This will also mark the type of relationships they will have throughout their life. "A child who has felt safe and cared for will bond well with people when they are adults, they will know how to have their space and claim it. If not, they will create bonds of emotional dependence and clinginess. They will be an anxious person, who personalizes everything, and incapable of bonding well emotionally with someone who will be a closed-off adult."