Why is it so hard for us to disconnect from the fast pace of life?

BarcelonaWe live in a time when daily life seems defined by speed, self-imposed pressure, and the constant feeling of not being able to do everything. It seems increasingly difficult to stop and listen to our bodies and emotions. This is the topic of Dr. Noelia Samartin Veiga, a neuroscientist and clinical psychologist, and author of the book... You have come to live (Penguin Random House Grupo Editorial, 2026).

Discipline stems from willpower, but we often push ourselves to the extreme and end up acting against our own well-being, just to avoid the discomfort of giving up activities that, despite being positive for us, we can't always fit into our routine. "We can't forget that we live in a context; we can't cling solely to guilt," explains Samartin Veiga. He reminds us that we often ignore the social or work-related variables that influence our ability to maintain our schedules. Placing all the weight on personal responsibility fuels guilt and obscures the role of our environment, which is actually one of the most significant factors in our lives.

This contextual perspective also helps us understand why some people can maintain such demanding paces while others easily feel overwhelmed. In this sense, she insists on the importance of mental flexibility: "Nothing happens if you miss a day; one day doesn't invalidate the process. It's our own rigidity that irritates us and ends up limiting us," the psychologist assures.

In recent years, the idea that people only need 21 days to adapt to a new habit has become very popular, but this is an unproven fact. "The 21-day thing sells well, but it's not real; it's not even a well-calculated average," emphasizes Samartin Veiga.As she explains, many popular messages about personal change oversimplify processes that are actually much more complex. "The actual time it takes for a behavior to become ingrained can range from approximately 18 to 254 days, with an average of about 68. Beyond the timeframe, other factors are also involved," the psychologist points out. Characteristics such as friction with routine or personal affinity for the activity can either facilitate or complicate its adoption.

Emotions as Information

Another key theme of the book is our relationship with our emotions. "They are signals that manifest through the body and that we should pay attention to before they are identified. An immediate reaction isn't necessary, but we should set aside time to observe what's happening inside us," the author explains. She recommends practicing listening, ideally daily, pausing to avoid carrying our emotions as burdens.

It's not that we don't know how to interpret our emotions, but rather that we often don't allow our brains to perceive them. We should try to set aside time to be without stimuli, a little while each day without screens and distractions, spaces of silence to understand what we feel.

"We are afraid of approaching intense feelings and feeling alone, so we try to avoid these situations of silence, but they are beneficial for our well-being," says Samartin Veiga. The key is having regulatory tools that allow us to explore emotions without feeling overwhelmed. We need what are called "safety nets"—breathing exercises and other similar activities that help us relax and avoid falling into consuming situations.

The stress that protects us

Furthermore, to better understand our body's reactions, we must consider how we manage our environment and how we interpret the stress we experience daily. "A key step in reducing mental load and learning to live without constant exhaustion is learning to prioritize; we must know how to let go of what we cannot control," explains the author. In other words, far from demonizing stress, we must distinguish between occasional stress, which prepares our body to respond to demanding situations, and chronic stress, which prevents a return to calm. We must also recognize the current dependence we all experience on instant gratification. "We live in a reward culture and are out of sync with how we are designed in terms of gratification. The brain is prepared for contexts with few stimuli, but today it is constantly exposed to quick rewards. This hinders patience and the ability to listen emotionally. This situation did not exist 30 years ago," Vea explains. On a sensory level, it's easy to shut down other emotions we feel to prepare for the next milestone to achieve; that's why it's so easy to fall into the feeling that we often suffer from "it's never enough." This logic is intertwined with self-imposed demands and the need for external validation. Reducing it is possible, but it involves an initial cost that we are often unwilling or unprepared to bear: the guilt or shame that comes with disappointing others. "These emotions are social and make us feel that, because of our decisions, the group is going to reject us," explains the psychologist, but the moment our body realizes that we aren't feeling any harm, it begins to relax. "As we do the activity and see that we aren't suffering any real negative consequences, it starts to decrease," she agrees. Ultimately, in a culture that rewards speed and performance, Samartin Veiga advocates a countercultural gesture: pausing long enough to ask ourselves what we really need. You have come to live Instead of offering us a simple manual of solutions, the author concludes by inviting us to rethink our relationship with our bodies and emotions, to reflect on personal priorities and expectations, and to reconsider our relationship with time and daily habits.