Why do some people always see everything in black?

We all know someone who exaggerates everything that happens to them, who drowns in a glass of water, who sees everything from the negative side, and who, in short, is a drama king or queen. Every little thing that happens to them in their daily life is exaggerated and dramatized to the point of excessive intensity. They seem to have a constant need for attention, and being around them can be, to say the least, exhausting.

This type of personality is discussed by American psychologist Scott Lyons, author of the book Drama addicts (Alienta, 2025). In his books, he admits to being a former drama addict and asserts that this attitude is often an unconscious way of seeking validation. "We want to feel seen, heard, and to show that our suffering matters," he writes. He also acknowledges that these types of people "get bored" when everything is calm. Therefore, they need to fill themselves with activities and situations that keep them under pressure in order to feel more "alive," which, paradoxically, ends up leaving them more overwhelmed. In any case, adopting this victim role and focusing only on all the negative aspects generates constant conflict, emotional exhaustion, and increasing isolation.

But why are there people like this? For Mireia Cabero, a psychologist, professor at the UOC, and founder of Public Emotional Culture, there can be many reasons for a person to have these psychological reactions. On the one hand, having this attitude can generate "social benefits," even if it's done unconsciously. "If we see one person responding to an experience neutrally and another who does so dramatically, who do we have the greatest need to help?" reflects Cabero. "Being dramatic not only offers us attention and validation, but it also relieves us of responsibility toward others, with the excuse that we're sick and can't do anything," she adds. In other words, life is much less compromised when lived from a dramatic perspective, because it's a state that leaves you "inoperative" and already suggests to others that you won't be able to respond to their needs.

Sometimes, this behavior is learned from the environment in which one grew up, where being dramatic was the only solution to being seen and heard. Other times, it involves people who have a "very short fuse," who have great difficulty managing their emotions.

Whatever the case, when the natural tendency to live life with drama takes over, it ends up being a physical and emotional problem. Some of the symptoms they often experience are a lack of control over reality and a constant feeling of intensity, like a teapot about to explode. The constant restlessness and tendency to exaggerate also cause feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Managing conflict

Living near a drama queen isn't easy. According to Cabero, at first it's easy to get hooked on someone who dramatizes everything. "We're human, and if we have any empathy, we don't want to see others suffer," explains the psychologist. However, in the long run, this constant need for help and support ends up taking a toll on those around us. Furthermore, Cabero believes that most of the time we can't help someone suffering from this discomfort, because when they're in a moment of high emotional intensity, it's pointless to take the rational route. "At first, it's better to validate their emotions with messages like 'I understand you.'" Only when the person has calmed down can we help them change their perspective, the psychologist assures.

However, no one is obligated to live with this constant burden. "We must have the free choice to decide whether we want to participate in the drama or not. We won't be better people if we do, nor more selfish if we don't," advises Cabero. "There are times when we must look out for ourselves and protect ourselves from the wear and tear of trying to help someone who may already have an interest in experiencing everything in a dramatic way," he points out.

And what if it turns out we're the dramatic ones? In fact, how do we know we are? To find out, the psychologist recommends asking yourself and writing down in a notebook how many times a day, week, or month we experience experiences that really turn us on. "If it happens once every six months, you probably don't have a dramatic tendency, but if it happens four times a day, you could already fit this profile," she gives as an example.

From there, our job would be to "work on self-management" and try to understand what causes this dramatic profile. For Cabero, simply becoming aware of this tendency is a good step toward a more drama-free life, allowing us to enjoy it with much more serenity.