If you have ever faked an orgasm... this is for you

Faking orgasms is much more common than it seems. Most of the time it's them, but they aren't exempt either. And often it has less to do with sex than with the expectations we generate around it. It's as if we feel we have to validate, to reassure the other's ego, or to show that "it went well." This is where the orgasmic imperative comes into play: the idea that a sexual relationship is only complete if it ends in orgasm.

But sex is not a football match. There is no scoreboard, no goals, no victories. And faking an orgasm is a bit like scoring an own goal out of compassion for the opponent and complicity with the system.

Sometimes we fake it because we want to finish already, because we've disconnected, because we don't know how to get out of the situation, or because we feel we'll disappoint the other person if we don't reach orgasm. But... what if we started to go on strike? A strike from faking orgasms. A strike from sustaining pressure that distances us from our own pleasure. A strike from turning sex into a "performance".

Because it is absolutely legitimate to want to end a sexual relationship at any time. Just as it is legitimate not to have orgasms, or not to want to pursue them always.

Socially, we've been made to believe that being "good in bed" depends on the orgasms we provoke. The more, the better. But your pleasure does not determine the other person's worth, nor is the other person solely responsible for yours.

Perhaps the key is to be a little more selfish in sex. And yes, I know it sounds bad. But we need to take responsibility for our own pleasure and get to know ourselves, listen to ourselves, and communicate better. Because faking can avoid an uncomfortable moment, but it's more uncomfortable to distance ourselves from what we really need.